It's Christmas Eve, not Christmas and Steve. Get out of here Steve.
Hey people waiting in line to get into a club. . . you should probably do us all a favor and stay in there until after the election
[gf takes pregnancy test, starts crying] ""It's negative"" Lemme see it [reads] 'Not prego. Just fat. And ugly' Wow that's really negative
My wife recently started snoring, so I decided to use earplugs. but I can only get one in before she wakes up, turns out she doesn't like it when I shove earplugs in her nose.
If I eat lots of preservatives, won't I live longer? No, but you will have a longer shelf life.