*batman voice* Alfred, my bat-wang is stuck in my bat-zipper. Bat-help.
How many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb? One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her.
I wrote 'DIVORCE', my wife wrote 'YES'. Tough way to find out, but at least I won our last game of Scrabble.
Divorced couples have two chromosomes. Ex and why.
I know it's time to wax my upper lip when the cashier at Firehouse Subs gives me the policeman's discount.