Did you hear about the man who fell into the lens making machine? He made a spectacle of himself.
if a child of mine is ever incredibly muscular at birth i would consider naming it XERXES in all caps like that
Road painters are not the kind of friends you should be around... They do lines all day.
my dads complaining that i ate all his pills but I'M complaining that he's a giant melting prism of pure energy thats turning into a dragon
[at work] Carl, did you get naked when you used the bathroom? *standing there with his shirt & pants on backwards* ""No...why do you ask?""