A man walks into a bar... Ow.
I'm really obsessed with Harry Potter. On a scale of 1-10, how obsessed do you think I am? 9 3/4
What does a suicidal teenager do on the weekends? Hang at home.
Can I take your order? Yeah, lemme get a McRib and a large Coke. Sir, this is Wallgreens OK, make it a bottle of Xanax, and some Pringles
You look so perfect standing there, In my American Apparel underwear, But I know now you probably opened the wrong Christmas present grandma
