I got my haircut the other day... ...and I just saw my barber at the grocery. He asked how I liked my haircut. I told him I didn't like it at first, but its growing on me.
What did the dyslexic bank robber say? ""FREEZE MOTHERSTICKER! THIS IS A FUCK UP!""
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
How did Godzilla escape the trains? He threw them off their tracks.
There is a fine line between ""important to me"" and ""dead to me."" Don't walk it.