If I were a Greek philosopher, my name would be Mediocrites.
I just found out my girlfriend has been cheating on my with my dad.... Can't belive I'm going to be an uncle.
Yoda and Luke Skywalker are together in a ship when Luke asks... Luke: are we on track? Yoda: off course, we are.
How to catch a polar bear: 1) Cut a hole in the ice. 2) Carefully place peas in a circle around the hole. 3) Hide and wait. 4) When the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole.
""Inside Amy Schumer"" is funny... As it's a show I never wish to watch, and a place I never wish to be.