Q: Why did the dog cross the road? - A: Because it was the chickens day off.
""Please punch in your account number, phone number and the last four digits of your social security, so I can transfer you so they can ask you for those same numbers again!""
everyone's always saying 'the good ones die young', 'god only takes the best'. so I must be immortal
My Welsh Friend I asked my welsh mate how many sexual partners he had had, but I never got to find out. Everytime he tried counting them he fell asleep.
Back when I was a kid there was no internet so people would sometimes have to walk for miles just to call me a cunt.