Sorry I unfollowed you on Instagram, but you take at least 10 pics of your face everyday. I don't even look at my wife that much.
I told a girl she had drawn her eyebrows on too high... She looked surprised.
my girlfriend called me a pedophile after sex last night... ...and i said,""well that's a big word for an eight year-old.""
What do you call an openly gay detective? Surecocks Holmes
I've got the body of a twenty year old. It's in the trunk of my car.