My love for you is like diarrhea I just can't hold it in
What do a 45 year old pregnant alcoholic and Ironman have in common? Both have a little Downy Jr in them.
No one is more unnecessarily confident than a white person that just ordered Mexican food in a Spanish accent.
*sees a couple of vacuum cleaners making out* ""Ugh, get a Roomba""
[girlfriend finally texts back] ME: i'm so mad at you. HER: i'm naked come over. ME: i'm not really mad i was jk lol omw babe