How does Sean Connery shave? CTRL + S
Donald Trump: nobody can out crazy me Lena Dunham: here, hold my beer
[cop taps on my fogged up car window on make-out hill] ME: *alone holding a huge steamy bucket of fried chicken* what's the problem officer
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my obsession She said ""I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a transformer"". I said ""But baby, I can change"". She said ""There you go again!""
Doctor doctor I keep thinking I'm a telephone. Doctor: Why's that? I keep getting calls in the night.