Did you know that NASCAR fans are the easiest people to make fun of? As soon as they start chasing you down, all you have to do is turn right.
If I was an alcoholic, I'd stash all my booze in the laundry basket because apparently I'm the only person in my house who knows it exists.
My favorite joke: What do hillbillies do for Halloween? Pump kin.
When a girl says: ""If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best""... What she really means is: ""I'm a f*ckin psycho.""
How many Ukrainians does it take to screw a lightbulb? You don't need to, they glow in the dark.
