I hadn't been laid in a long time, so I slipped a girl a roofie at a bar. She still wouldn't have sex with me, she just wanted to sleep.
Kids want a dog, told em I can only keep 4 things alive, them & the plant. If we add a dog something will die & I cant be sure its the plant
Why did the vegetable kill himself? He didn't carrot all.
me: hello darkness my old friend darkness: you are going to hate me but I forgot your name
What does a duck put in its burrito? Quackamole.