Why is Santa's sack so full? Because he only comes once a year.
How should a doctor treat a patient with Mesothelioma? Asbestos he can.
Q: What do you call a cat who eats lemons? - A: A sourpuss!
What do you call someone who molests puppies and kittens? A Petophile
Just got the iPhone 7. It helped me lose weight! I now have no money to eat for 2 months