I watched a video presentation of my hematologist doctor. She was talking about her years of experience of practicing and studying oversea and of course how she's built a nephrologist and hematologist hospital and all the achievements so far.
I remember heading into that hospital 3 years ago, it was expensive, but they knew what they were doing, and that was where I learned about all the complications I had about my chronic conditions.
Watching that woman speak and I realized that I hadn't actually lived. She was just about 8 to 10 years older than I was and had basically achieved everything, we talk on a personal level and sometimes when I walk into her office as a haggard patient, all I can't think about is how my condition has held me back from being the person I truly wanted.
As a teenager I wanted to be a pencil artist, a writer and and an accomplished journalist, but here I am talking about blockchain, crypto, layer1, Bitcoin and other jargons about web3.
Funny enough I love it all (having a giggle) my incapabilities or inabilities to read the market is probably why I'm still broke. However the fulfillment of truly living the dream is but there, and I don't think any amount of money could have replaced it.
This is not me being ungrateful, this is me looking at my stunted potential at 30+, with dreams that should be achievable, but here I am, unable to live even 10% of that. So I'm asking you:
A lot of people without anything holding them back underestimate the pain of wanting to truly live but cannot because of life issues.
I watch the video of a guy on Twitter who was stoping content creation because his system was shutting down and he could no longer work and will probably need expensive healthcare to keep him alive. He was very sad, but some people kept on saying sensitive things to him, but they probably haven't been in his situation.
He'd spend all his life trying to survive, every food, drink or medication will be to stay alive and not because it's he actually loved it, and he may try but still lose everything.
However, I'm now at peace, but everything I can't afford a plane ticket, afford some treatment or afford some stuff, I remember that I could have actually been able to do that only if I didn't have to always worry about health issues.
Anytime I remember I also wanted to leave this country to seek other foreign opportunities and how I won't be able to do that because of not being able to truly hustle my way out, it hurts seriously. While it's easy to say "oh money can do all that" you'd also have to remember that you need to be healthy to be actually make money.
Life revolves around causality and somehow something has to happen for another thing to be and the only time that this doesn't work is when there's a divine process and intervention. What's holding you back, are you sad about it?
A little bit of introspection is not always bad, but I also admit it's important to be appreciate too. As much as it could have been better, it could have also gone badly which sometimes we don't always like to admit. I'll take the things that's turned out well and used that cope, do I like doing so? Absolutely not. Life doesn't have to always go well for everyone, but it hurts to be part of that "didn't go too well for me" population, but it's what it is.
Didn't put out a Hive post, 80% of comments are already sayingHive is over and done with, so I just choose to post about my self introspection today.
