Loss is an inconvenient but potent teacher, it opens your eyes to the realities that you've been blind to, either through sheer ignorance or inexperience. When I say "loss", I'm generalizing, because losing what belongs, relates, or pertains to you, especially if the affiliation with what you've lost comes from a place of hustle.
I can categorically talk about loss, because there's almost nothing I haven't lost, and from my standpoint of view, the most dangerous aspect of losing is the mindset that you incur after undergoing loss.
The shift away from normalcy
.....the inability to see the essence in moving on, or the strength to begin to try again. Trying again, or the need to try again is the most important thing in life. We're naturally gifted to make recoveries when life hits hard. I've seen people who lost their businesses and had to start from scratch. People who worked so hard and yet failed when it mattered the most.
We often tap into the stories of those who have manifested doggedness against all odds, but the truth is that motivation is mostly a bandaid when the most delicate and structural aspect of our minds has been scared by the impact of loss.
This is how I mostly see myself these days. Although I've been working really hard to pick my life up from the tethers, I experience periods of anxiety, fear, and a burst of old memories, and it feels like I'm back at square one. My thoughts are quite dissimilar from what they used to be and this is because I'm beginning to take note of things I really didn't see in the past.
I think I'm extra sensitive these days, I'm blaming it on the pain, but the truth is that the only way we can truly see life is by living, or seeing it from the viewpoint of pain.
This might sound negative, but the truth is, that we only begin to see life clearly when we're bereaved or have nothing to offer. The best time to clearly see is when you're not eschewing any value. Most people live in life's bubbles, they believe they have the best support system or the best of friends, but you're truly able to know the true state of your reality when you're at a period when your life feels meaningless.
That said, I've learned a lot in close to 5 weeks
from leading a solitary life which has come as a result of constantly grieving. Maybe it's just me being super sensitive, but the only way you can see life is by living or walking the sensitive path.
For a person who overthinks, I think being a product of that particular mindset isn't so bad, because life is bigger than our expectations; it eclipses the average things we desire and this is why it isn't so bad to be an unconventional thinker.
Normalcy wasn't a thing for me in the past, but over time I learned how to conform to it, these past few months, I've gradually drifted away from that "persona" into what I currently am. I'd blame it on loss and loss alone, but one thing about life is that when one of your senses is taken away when you lose the ability to "feel" in one aspect of your life, another sense activates and becomes supersensitive.
I don't want to say I'm paranoid.
I just think I'm beginning to see life with magnified binoculars; seeing people without their clothes on, (figuratively) seeing them without their shades, or even without their seeing through what they originally are. I've asked myself a lot of questions and I've gotten a lot of answers, and it's saddening. Anyway, I'm being prayerful about my situation, I'm meditating more and seeking spiritual sustenance.
I want to take a break from what and who I was, to try a lead a more observative and focused life, living in the shadows, focusing more on self, and trying to redact the most obvious part of my life. This is because I have learned a lot. I'm trying to reschuffle the pack, let go of some undeserved commitments, and prioritize more self-care. It's sadly the end of a different era, but it's alright, people evolve when they pass through things.
Once again, I'm grateful to those who have made it a duty to follow my journey of recovery thus far, it's been a long road.
Interested in some more of my works