That is all you can do, ask. But you do not want to say it. Not now, at least. Not too soon. Maybe eventually, when you reach that part, but for now, you can only ask. Silently.
You do not want to take the risk of being seen as a needy creature. That is not the plan. But you know very well that you are one. Although you do not want her to know. Or she might lose interest.
You promised her that you will love her. That you will wait till she is ready. To yourself you said, you will just keep on loving her till she realizes that you are the one. But one day suddenly she is lacking. You think it was you who lack something but no, you are wrong. It was her who lacks. You long for her appreciation. For her attention, but again you cannot be needy.
One day she said i love you. The next day, she answers okay. Not that you threw a question but she gave you that elusive words. Then suddenly it is not the words that are elusive. It was not the words you were longing for. But again you cannot demand for it. First, you are not labeled. You can label it all you want but without her confirmation, you are not couple. You are not entitled to be loved back. And yeah, you cannot be too needy.
And her ex came back. One week prior to what you expected, the situation you believed you were prepared for came. Unsurprisingly, it was painful. But you said you are grown up and could handle this kind of scenario so you involved yourself. Maybe to end everything once and for all. You hope she will do what she is ought to do but you died that night. It turned out the other way. They broke up, officially this time. Suddenly you lived again. And for a while it was worth it. The pain and doubts. It all worth it.
It was fast. But reality sucks. It kills. And it revives. Somehow you were contented. But the word “somehow” took the very meaning of that term. Again, somehow, one day they will be back together. And yet you still demand for assurance. That assurance that you can utterly ask for.
If she is not into you, she just wont be. For now. You will wait. But the question is until when? Maybe until she becomes the one you wanted her to be. In love, equally with you. But the universal rule still applies- seldom, there is a relationship with equal love. One must be a little bit more than the other. But you wanted at least close to what and how you feel for her.
Then you do not want to think anymore, so suddenly, you are satisfied. You love her. And that is all that matters.
..because you can’t be too needy.<
