― Haruki Murakami
Fascinating
I was back home luxuriating in the afterglow of Jana.
The sky outside red, long after sunset―the fire's embers' red, as I pictured her―and my memory red, stained with her lipstick.
I was obsessing, lingering in the flush of her, a place I had no right to be, with desire that should be taboo and yet I indulged it, savouring the possibility.
I was drinking cabernet, allowing it to warm and console me for what could never be..
and I accepted it.
The doorbell rang and impulsive me, I answered, imagining her coming to confess her love, but confronted Sarah's rage instead.
"Liam, what the hell were you thinking?"
Her eyes flashed fire and the burst of fury surprised me.
"What do you mean?" I protested.
"I can't believe the way you behaved tonight. Are you deranged putting yourself in a compromising position with a student?"
"Come in―I'll explain."
She strode into the den, glancing at the fire and noting my half-finished glass of red wine. I could tell what she was thinking.
"Why don't you sit down and I'll pour you a coffee?"
She rolled her eyes. "I think you need one more than I do."
"You're going down the wrong road. That's all I've had to drink―a half glass of cabernet."
"Well," she drawled, mocking me in a little girl voice, "I think it was you taking a wrong turn. That's how it looked to me."
"She came to me," I hissed, "left a note on my windshield to call her cell. She seemed to be in some danger. I asked her what was wrong but she wanted to explain in person so we met at my office."
"And what was so pressing she needed to meet with you in person?"
"She was being harassed by hangups on her phone and was convinced it was Bart Hunter."
"And what did you say?"
"I told her you checked him out and he wasn't the stalker, but she's convinced he is and was really terrified. I offered her a ride home because it was dark and then she asked me to check out her apartment to make sure it was safe."
Sarah sat down. She obviously wasn't buying my version. "And this took an hour?" she smirked. "You sure that was all you checked out?"
"Look, the girl was terrified. She was curled up on the couch freezing, or trembling, at least―maybe from shock, I don't know. I made her coffee and then left. That's all that happened."
"And if she claimed something else, what defence would you have? Don't you know you shouldn't even be meeting with her alone in your office with the door shut?"
"Jana wouldn't try to entrap me―hell, she's a victim too."
A knowing smile crept across Sarah's features and I got a sudden sinking feeling.
"Hey, wait a minute now―you don't think that Jana is involved in this somehow, do you?"
She went silent a long moment and just stared at me. "Let's put it this way, Prof―nothing is off the table. When you don't know who the perp is, everyone's a suspect."
"This is crazy. She's being followed and getting weird hang up calls. She's even been directly threatened."
"She's also got a security detail watching her 24/7 and they see no evidence of any of that. You only suspected Bart on her say-so and now she's implicating him again. Maybe you'll be next. I'd like to check her cell phone."
I slumped down beside her on the couch feeling totally exasperated.
Sarah was shaking her head in disbelief at my naivety.
"Look Prof, you've got an intimate stalker who knows your patterns and can use that to get inside your head. We're looking at everyone including friends and staff members. It'll be somebody you'd least suspect―that's why it's so insidious."
I felt totally drained and defeated and she knew it. I saw it in her eyes and I also saw them soften and change toward me.
"I'd like to have a coffee but have to go," she whispered, looking a bit forlorn. She got up reluctantly and I rose to see her out.
"You look like you need a hug," she smiled sympathetically and surprised me, putting her arms around me.
I wasn't expecting it and was caught off-guard. I felt her warmth press into me and the scent of her perfume filled my nostrils.
She then grasped both my shoulders and held me at arms length, staring deep into my eyes. "See how easily you can be seduced? You always need to have your guard up."
She turned and walked to the door, leaving me feeling bereft and foolish.
Before she exited, she paused and smiled at me. "It works both ways," she said cryptically and gave me a wink before leaving.
I understood what she meant and her subtle hint wasn't lost on me. She could easily play Jana's game and probably more expertly.
I sat back down and sipped my wine and let a new obsession take hold of me.