I grew up as a people pleaser...
I don't like to write this because it feels icky, but it's essentially true. However, as with many things, being a people pleaser is not a black and white situation. i.e. you're not either 'a people pleaser' or 'a people un-pleaser'. Ha!
I've definitely had times where I've come off worse for my people pleasing tendencies.
There have been times where I've lost some self respect.
And I know there are times where I've made choices based on pleasing other people, and as a result I've ended up losing a part of myself.
I believe everyone has some people pleasing tendencies.
It's that part of yourself that values being accepted and being liked. It's the part of yourself that kind of pushes your real personality aside and insists that you 'conform' or 'agree' or 'keep the peace' when what you really want to do is go against the grain and speak your mind.
It's that part of yourself that feels a little insecure, a little doubtful and a little afraid.
It's a deep and often powerful need to fit in, to be included, to be approved of.
And it sucks.
You don't have to go around being a d*ck to people if you decide to put your people pleasing tendencies behind you.
What you need to do is stand up for yourself.
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Take some time to think before jumping into a conversation - whether it's in real life or on social media or anywhere else.
Nodding and agreeing with someone when you don't really, is not only disrespectful to them, it's highly disrespectful to yourself.
The bottom line is, how someone else feels about your genuine position and stance on something is none of your concern. People are responsible for their own emotions and reactions. Your job is to value your self respect and your dignity so you can sit easily and comfortably with your own bad ass self when there's no one else around.
I always thought it was important to keep the peace.
And it is.
Sometimes that will mean not saying anything. Sometimes it will mean getting up and shouting from the rooftops.
Only you can decide this.
My Dad was a one of the best examples I can think of of someone who stood up for himself. He was NOT a people pleaser. Don't get me wrong, he would always, always go out of his way to help someone, to guide someone or to be there for someone.
But he didn't suffer fools.
And he never, ever compromised himself so that someone else could feel 'comfortable'.
I remember him telling me about a family gathering he was at. There was a distant relative, a guy, who was spending most of his time telling people how great he was. He was a clearly a bit of an idiot.
He came at sat down next to my dad and launched into yet another story of how he was amazing, so after a few seconds my dad just got up and walked away!
No, "excuse me, I really need the toilet", or "I'm sorry, I just got a phone call". And certainly no sitting there grinning and nodding along.
He simply got up and walked off, leaving this guy looking a bit confused.
Don't be a door mat people!
