#1
Did you hear about the restaurant on the Moon?
Great food, no atmosphere....
#2
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them....
#3
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.....
#4
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.....
#5
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.....
#6
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because the pee is silent.....
#7
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.....
#8
What do you call a fake noodle?
An Impasta.....
#9
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.....
#10
Did you hear about the Cheese Factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie.....
#11
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.....
#12
What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A little horse.....
#13
I'm reading a book on the history of glue.
I just can't seem to put it down.....
#14
I used to hate facial hair.
But then it grew on me.....
#15
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in there.....
#16
Dad, can you put my shoes on?
I don't think they'll fit me.....
#17
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.....
#18
Two satellites decided to get married.
The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.....
#19
Why did the can-crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda-pressing.....
#20
Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch?
Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyy.....
#21
Is the pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.....
#22
Where do you learn to make ice cream?
Sunday School.....
#23
Can February March?
No, but April May.....
#24
I'm not addicted to brake fluid.
I can stop whenever I want.....
#25
My wife is on a tropical food diet, the house is full of the stuff.
It's enough to make a mango crazy.....
#26
I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.
It's a total rip-off.....
#27
What does an annoying pepper do?
It get's jalape帽o face.....
#28
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for Fresh Prints.....
#29
I'm thinking of reasons to go to Switzerland.
The flag is a big plus.....
#30
I was up all night wondering where the Sun went.
Then it dawned on me.....
#31
My son told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.
I had to put my foot down.....
#32
A plateau is the highest form of flattery......
#33
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.....
#34
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me......
#35
What's more amazing than a talking dog?
A spelling bee......
#36
What's Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable?
Barackoli.....
#37
What did the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here, I'll go on a head.....
#38
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. All the rest are weak-days.....
#39
What is ET short for?
So he can fit on the space ship.....
#40
Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague?
Now we just have to call him Dav.....
#41
Sherlock, what do they call primary school in America?
Elementary, my dear Watson.....
#42
Why do chicken coops only ever have two doors?
If they had four doors, they would be called a chicken sedan.....
#43
Why did the cowboy have a weiner dog?
Somebody told him to get a long little doggy.....
#44
Why did the IPA beat the Pale Ale at Basketball?
Because it had more hops.....
#45
Why was the office of cantaloupes so glum?
Because they were melon-colleagues......
#46
What do you call a pencil without lead?
Pointless.....
#47
Why did the mermaid wear sea shells?
She grew out of her B-Shells.....
#48
My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together.
I totally nailed it.....
#49
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?
All of the sailors were marooned.....
#50
How do you fit 5 Bulbasaurs and two Charizards onto a bus?
You pokemon.....