The calm before the storm.
I鈥檝e always understood the validity of it. How everything seems calm. Seemingly unmoving. Maybe even boring, and that calm seems to stretch long yet potent at the same time. Then, it gets to a tipping point, and sometimes you may not realize that you were in the calm, until the storm comes.
I think one of the last publications I made on this platform was how beautifully things were moving for me. How I was loving this new phase I was stepping into. We as human have no life if we aren鈥檛 positive, right? So, since it seemed that I鈥檇 left the calm and was stepping into the storm, I expected the storm to rain only good things.
But then... The very next day. I got news that shattered everything.
I lost someone. A childhood friend that was dear to me, and I was looking forward to taking to again. The loss shook me to my core, and I felt my heart physically being wrenched from my chest. It all happened in a split second, and I was down on the floor, weeping and holding myself like I traumatized, nearly senile child.
It鈥檚 been so long. Far too long that I thought the concept of loss had become foreign to me. Because unlike other types of losses, the one with the knowledge that you鈥檒l never see this person again has to be the most painful of them all. No matter the misunderstanding, no matter the gulf, there鈥檚 always this assurance that things can be better because both parties are alive, and as long there鈥檚 life, there鈥檚 hope of good things to come, right?
I was immediately plunged into an abyss so dark and deep, and I kept asking the one above. Why? Just why? Why always the ones with the brightest of minds? Why always the ones with the biggest dreams? Why always the ones with the purest hearts? Why always the ones that were on the verge of taking the world by the storm? Why always the ones we love the most?
I wished desperately for so many things in that moment of yesterday. A hug, a shoulder to cry on, a balm to soothe the excruciating pain, or maybe a cleanser to make me forget. But I didn鈥檛 want to forget. I wanted to remember and pour out my soul in tears. And then, someone unlikely texted me. A giver of a different kind of pain in the month of September.
And it all just feels like I鈥檓 nearing the eye of thebstorm. Everything happening all at once. I feel longing, and loss, pain, and joy. In the midst of all of these, I just wish for peace. And I say this with all degree of irony because that鈥檚...
Oh, well. As the pain surmounted, a giver of peace came as well. The bane of my existence, perhaps? I don鈥檛 know. But it鈥檒l be alright. Everything will be alright. Again, as long as there鈥檚 life, there鈥檚 hope. We will be fine. We will all be. But for now, I just have to see what more the storm has in store for me.
Rest in Peace, Peace. Till we meet again, my love.
Jhymi馃枻
Image is mine.