Why couldn’t I just stop, the storm is killing me softly, my brain is making me weak to my bones pretending that nothing happened,
Why couldn’t I just stop, so I could go on with the life I wanted to have, like pretending everything is but a nightmare that never happened,
Why couldn’t I just stop, lately I’ve been feeling peace, doing the things I thought I cannot do, finding the hard focus to keep believing that it cannot happen,
Why couldn’t I just stop, like everything is new again, all is good in life still wanting to believe there is goodness in every person but now I couldn’t,
Why couldn’t I just stop, I can take away the pain, the hurt, the fear all along, now everything became so dangerously hard not to see…
I thought giving everything I could understand everything, but it ended up depleting me all along, I’m left with nothing just the same pain all over again,
I thought giving everything I could understand everything, I’m still living with this memory that I still couldn’t erase until now even if it’s just a hint kind of thought,
I thought giving everything I could understand everything, take me back to my own human nature, my own way of thinking, my own body and in my own soul,
I thought giving everything I could understand everything, I like the way I was back then, I am nothing compared to this poison that keeps penetrating in my blood,
I thought giving everything I could understand everything, I want to reach into my deepest and darkest place in my brain and take everything out to feel alive again…
I’m feeling every bit of it, I need to force myself to touch any kind of surface in order to make me feel reality again, my own reality again and get out your fabricated fantasy,
I thought giving everything I could understand everything, I need to surrender to the pain, to the sorrow in order to live inside my own mind, feel everything in it in order to be able to feel anything again,
I thought giving everything I could understand everything, I need to depend on routines in order to have something to hold on to, to make me think of something that belongs to me,
I thought giving everything I could understand everything, I need to keep praying for my deepest purpose, the kind of alignment that I needed to have now in order to feel passion again just for a kind of reasoning,
I thought giving everything I could understand everything, I need to believe that this is what I needed now in order for gratitude to flow naturally into my body…
How long will this stay and keep sounding me, like a ghost of the unknown from the inside that wanted to make me miserably weaker like a loop of mess,
How long will this stay and keep sounding me, like the sound of your nervous system in a hypervigilance state wanting to break free in order to feel safety again,
How long will this stay and keep sounding me, like I’m beneath an underground of an unpredictable terror that couldn’t stop even if I already surrendered to the pattern,
How long will this stay and keep sounding me, like I’m in a loop of unconditional overanalyzing, replaying the scenes all over in my head just to analyze what went wrong,
How long will this stay and keep sounding me, like seeing the pattern created a whole new world of decoded language that cannot be learned because it is already rigged from the beginning…
Watchwords:
Finding My Own Reality Again
The Pain I Could No Longer Pretend Away
When the Pattern Became Impossible to Unsee
Learning to Feel Everything Again
Trying to Return to Myself
Here is Tikatarot, who dares you to answer the question, “Who am I?”..
As and will always be reminding you to dream:
