I think the aspect of minimalism I apply the most to my life is the one that has to do with relationships. It’s usually in two aspects for me: Building meaningful relationships and that too, with intentionality, and knowing when a relationship isn’t working out and it’s time to cut my losses and move on.
One thing I’m fond of doing... Giving people the benefit of the doubt. There’s usually an overdose of it sometimes, that even I wouldn’t call healthy. It’s like I should get pushed to the wall so many times, so that when I push back, it’s to do nothing but walk away and that too for good.
But for a while now, I shifted away from that. What I realized was that waiting to see if something, or in this case, someone, changes, it still doesn’t pan out well. You would think that giving a personality the benefit of the doubt time and time again would mean that eventually, things would get better, but it never does. At least not any that I’ve been in.
I’m usually perceptive, so I know when something isn’t working out, whether friendships, romantic relationships, or whatever else. But I chose to remain in this friendships because I suffered from a let things go only when you’re sure it’s completely gone complex. Which is not right because the emotional and mental baggage I’ve had to carry and suffer was never worth it.
Knowing when a relationship is not working out and simplifying my life by cutting my losses and walking away is my new motto. Know When It’s Not Working. And not just knowing, because in my previous case, you could know and still not act on it. Now, as soon as I recognize it, no matter how hard it gets, I try to leave the situation.
Recently, I had to call myself out on a relationship I had with someone. It was a friendship thing, sort of. But I noticed that it was beginning to drain me of my peace. Constant back and forth. Constant fights. I talked to my best friend about it and she suggested cutting ties. I told her that it wasn’t a relationship.
And she said that it didn’t necessarily have to be a relationship in the romantic sense of the word before I left the situation. I lingered a bit for a few days, but then I realized that I was doing that thing over again. Where I waited to be pushed to the wall or for the straw that would break the camel’s back. I called myself out to reality immediately and ended things as cleanly as I could.
Letting go and building meaningful relationships since this year has been my watchword. When it’s not working, it’s not working, so I don’t try to argue myself into waiting. But at the same time, I’m more intentional about the people I keep close. Pouring a good part of heart into making sure things work with the people I’ve decided to keep close while not losing myself in the process. Things have gotten fairly easier now. I’m not deluding myself into thinking that it will always be this easy and straightforward, but I’m doing a better job at breathing through it, knowing that it’s my safest bet at having a simple, drama-free life.
Image is mine.
