Adore

I used to love the darkness, but I don’t any more.
Cause the dark reminds me of you.
But it’s weird because the sunlight, as well, reminds me of you.
The sunny look in your eyes when you delivered the perfect sarcastic reply, and I couldn’t catch it on time.
The endless wit that would have me rolling for me minutes.
The songs you’d sing with a voice only a frog could rival,
But I’d smile because it was the most adorable sound I’d ever heard.

I used to love the rain, but I don’t anymore.
Cause the drops streaking down my window remind me of you.
But it’s weird because even when the rains stop, I’m still reminded of you.
The morning after talks on our most nostalgic moments.
The look in your eyes when I talk about the things I care about.
Meaning far too much because a talker became a listener because of me.
Because you genuinely loved hearing me speak.
And praised me for saying the most intelligent things.

I used to love music, but I don’t anymore.
Cause each sol-fa note reminds me of you.
But it’s weird because even in absolute silence, I’m still reminded of you.
The songs we shared intertwined. An old soul reborn because you met me.
I’d listen to those songs again because it’s the best kind of music I’d ever heard.
But it’s also the worst because they remind me of you.

I used to love the screens, but I don’t anymore.
Because each scene from the comedy classics remind me of you.
The laughs warming up and reverberating in our insides long before the joke lands.
A sense of humour so similar, it’s unrivalled by anyone I’d ever met.
You taught me to see joy amidst pain.
And laughter as an antidote for tears.
I never knew how to laugh at my own fears and take life in stride.
Till I met you.

A classic case of what ifs, as I try out different scenarios in my head.
If this happened then, would this be happening now?
If this did not happen then, would this not be happening now?
Over and over I play the words, echoing like a sombre song in my head.
Catching myself in a smile from a memory, and silencing the voice that says that the smile’s source is no more.
I should wish for death. The death of you, in my mind and in my heart.
And maybe in real life?
But I shudder at the thought of trying to reach out,
And finding no YOU to reach out to.

So, with the anger and the hurt still raw, still true.
On this breezy night, I bid you adieu.
From all the things that matter to me in my heart.
Because even though you’re present, we are now worlds apart.
Till we meet again on common ground
I hope the darkness and the rain, and scenes and sound
Give me as much delight now as it did when you were around.
So, as I purge you to dwell in me no more.
This is a reminder that the pain that begs for a thousand deaths
Will always come from the ones we adore.

Jhymi🖤

_{Images are mine.}