Today it's my birthday : 44 years young

Hello community, I introduce myself: my name is jhellen González and this is my first Post in this community. I know, I know, "how boring birthday posts are", but I'm not here to be congratulated, I'm here to tell out loud the things that have been thinking through my head lately, as this birthday approaches, the loneliest of my life, but the most overflowing with peace.

Since I was little I have only seen photos of my birthdays as a child, the rest hardly celebrate my birthdays (my family) and I think I got used to that. This time of year is always very busy, the holiday is coming out for Easter and who remembers April 24? This year my family made it clearer than ever that there are priorities and my birthday is not one of them.

Hey I'm not saying they are bad people! it's his way of dealing with frustration. Money is scarce, debts are abundant and since I live far away, although in the same city, with the gasoline problem in Venezuela, 9 people coming up to see me is complicated... I suppose. I say I guess because since I don't have children, I don't have any major economic burdens if I'm reproached for not spending on private transportation to go to the mother's house more often. I have been in this house for a year and a half, my family has come twice.

Where do i want to go with this? Is my family bad? I feel alone? No. On the contrary.

Since I became independent more than 20 years ago, I fully understand that my burdens are not the same as theirs. There is not point of comparation. My mother taught me that I would always prefer good treatment, than expensive gifts and they, especially my sister, are very cooperative with me and make sure of my well-being to the best of their human ability.

In 44 years of tossing and jumping and jumping in search of my emotional and physical stability, my peace of mind is more important than ever. How horrible it would be if they forced me to do things I don't want or can't and have to say no. Especially to a Latino family.

On the other hand, and leaving behind the family speech and the balloons and the piñata, I am enormously grateful for my age. My beloved father died at 54 and my older brother died 7 months ago at 52.

There was a time in my life when I was an alcoholic and I was sure I would not be here at this age.

I also survived 2 divorces and an amicable but painful separation and the loss of my 2 hopes of being a mom.

I assure you that not having a party is not going to knock me down.

At this moment I am sitting writing this, in absolute peace and gratitude, what's more, today is the first day that I feel really good after more than a week in bed with abdominal pain and dizziness and everything that comes with it.

My 3 kittens and I are waiting for the chick that I am cooking to have lunch and sleep cuddled up in what is supposed to be the hottest month of the year and some delicious rains have turned it into a sweet weather, allowing me to water my plants with calm down and sit down to listen to the podcast with coffee and kittens.