Sometimes, on my life menu ...

‎"I better not say anything, so as not to create a problem.""I'm going, even though I don't feel like it, so as not to look bad.""I agree with him, even if it's not what I think.""I accept, although inside I'm saying no."

We have to take control, in the menu of life that we have daily. We says these phrases to ourselves so many times that we don't even notice us anymore. That's not the way it is...

Why? Because each one has the same thing behind it: fear of rejection, fear of being left alone, guilt for setting a limit. Thus, without realizing it, one goes on living to the tune that others are playing, while what one really wants is left waiting for its turn, one that almost never comes.

That works. Not with "I'm going to be stronger from now on", but with real tools to recognize what is deciding for you.

Sometimes one does not stay for what one is living, but for the hope that one day the other person will change.

You understand his injuries. You justify their absences. You hope that he will mature, that he will commit, that he will finally be able to give you that which you need. We are deeply disconnected from ourselves. I know it and you know it too. And you understand the other so much, that you end up abandoning yourself. The problem is not the disconnection. It's just that we've built an entire system so we don't have to feel it, like drugs, addictions, entertainment, patches. All designed not to look inside, and of course, looking inside is scary.

At first we encounter our pain, the wounds, our childhood, and its traumas. And no one had taught us. So we prefer not to look. This is where the system comes in. We need to keep ourselves hypnotized, with the narrative, with social conventions, with the illusion that the outside fixes everything. If we are asleep, we are predictable. And then what we do is perfect the patches. Not solving what hurts and making it more tolerable, is because maybe the patches are more elaborate, more sophisticated, oh and more socially accepted.

How heavy the road becomes when we carry worries that no one notices with the naked eye. How beautiful, on the other hand, to cross paths with someone who gives you a kind gesture and gives you back the lightness without asking for anything in return. Being a breath of peace in the life of others gives an immense meaning to one's own.

That's why today I want to leave you with an uncomfortable, but necessary question: Are you loving the person in front of you or the one you hope one day to become?

Loving to keep someone unconditionally does not mean accepting any form of being loved. You can understand their history and still set boundaries. You can love deeply without losing yourself to keep someone.

Janitze 🌹