It funny how the way we have been brought up forms a big part of our mentality, psychology, and way of life. And somehow along the line when you see something different or experience something a little weird, our minds react sharply and are already willing to resist the possibility of a change or modification to our perspectives, about life.
For a very long while, I thought Chimamanda Adichie was just brainwashed by the American environment and learning. But very recently, I am gradually taking a look at her words, and sayings, especially about Africa, and the female gender.
It's worse when you grow up in a very strict religious background like mine when it must not be heard that you do as much as wear anything above your knee or even bring a male friend home. I remember when a friend of mine failed a course in University. the only course she ever failed. A maths course. She was in her second year and there was this mass failure for the course and she failed. 32E. She went home after that incident and talked to her mum, and she practically shouted and screamed at her. She told her never to tell her she failed,saying her daughter can not fail, told her to think very well before telling her rubbish. Also said that she did not give birth to a child that will fail maths. She had forgotten that this child all her secondary school days never even had anything short of an A grade in Maths, and something must have indeed gone wrong for her precious maths-guru daughter to fail maths. She only needed someone who could understand what happened and that she needed help. but her mom's reaction made her feel extremely bad. and she killed it. She made up her mind from then that she was never going to say a word about her private life to her mom again.
I have had many crazy experiences, and I have had to pull through myself. Too many secrets, and battles. Of course, I keep going through. I am a survivor... Even in all of my past relationships, I kept some things to myself and made them private. the very first person I told about some of my secrets, later used it to humiliate me. that one is just a mistake. the idea of ever dating him was a big loneliness mistake on my part. that is my past now anyways,
But really, are secrets necessary? Are They? if you keep too many secrets, you will start becoming a regular liar. because in a bid to keep your secrets you will tell lies. The only reason why we keep secrets is so that the people around us won't judge us, condemn us or look down on us. but really, should people's opinions matter?
if you did not create me, form me, you have no right to judge me. Even if you have contributed to my life in one way or the other, it's still not a license to judge me. (that why I hate feeling indebted to people)
But I am not that young teenage girl anymore. I'm a growing lady. I am beginning to care less about people's opinions. When I need help, I seek God's counsel. At least he made me, he knows what's best for me.
Dear Sunshine, Thanks for helping me see this light. Being honest and truthful takes off a lot of weight from your chest. You suddenly spill the so-called secret, and you find out that it was just your secret. People have gone through worse experiences, but they have decided to live happy and truthful, and honest to themselves and anyone who cares to listen.