Please patiently read this story. I hope that you get one or two lessons from this true life story.
WHAT IS THE HURT ABOUT?
Mr Akin came back home very late and his whole family was asleep. His wife had already prepared dinner for him, so he went to the kitchen to have his favourite soup banga soup with pounded yam. After eating the delicious dinner, he went to the bedroom and fell asleep without even taking his shower because he was really tired after a very stressful day.
It was dawn and Mr Akin had a great rest but it was time to start preparing for another hectic day at work.
“Who do you think is your slave or househelp? Who did you leave the plates in the kitchen sink for? You keep acting as if you are a child and I have to keep talking and talking all the time. You are frustrating all my efforts in this marriage and it is so annoying, his wife Adenike shouted at him.
“What is this supposed to mean?” Akin asked looking at his wife with so much amazement.
“What is this supposed to mean?” She ridiculed him. “Stop behaving as if you don't know what I am talking about. This is about the way you messed up the kitchen last night.”
“Seriously? Are you just yelling and saying all these sort of things to your husband because of the dishes of last night?” He asked with great surprise?”
Their 2 children walked into the kitchen as this issue persited.
Adenike then looked to her husband Akin and said "We are getting late for work and the kids are also running late for school.”
Akin gently took his wife by the hand and took her into the bedroom.
“My love and my wife, it is very necessary and important for us to talk,” he told her.
"There is no much time! You have a deadline, I also have to be at work very early because we are expecting a very important guest today at the office. The kids also need to be in school too. Do not hasten me,” she said to him very reluctantly.
“Kids, kids, you guys go and prepare for school, mummy and I want to have a little chat, after that we will come to join you at the dining to have breakfast and we will leave for school, okay?" said by Akin.
“But dad, we will be late for school and that is not good like you always tell us" said by Adebayo their first son.
“You have never been late to school. If you get to school slightly late, I believe there won't be any harm in that. I will personally talk to your teachers after I drop you guys off at school"
“Whoa! Whoa! You are nothing but the best Daddy,” Said the kids. Then they went to prepare for school.
Mr Akin then walked back into the room and shut the door. He took her to the bed, sat her down and placed his hands on her laps.
“Are we no longer running late?" She asked her husband.
He placed his finger on her lips and said, “Shhhhhhhhhhh, that isn't so necessary right now, this issue on ground is what is necessary and I want us to deal with it. I don't want us to live our lives in a way with too many issues un-addressed.”
“Are you now implying that we have an issue?” She asked.
“Yes, the dirty plate that I forgot to wash in the kitchen sink,” he answered.
“If that be the case, let me go to the kitchen to wash it then". She made an attempt to leave the bedroom for the kitchen but he made sure he made her remain sitted on the bed.
He looked deep into her eyes as though he was searching for her soul. He looked so deep with great quest and passion.
He then asked her, "My wife and my love, did anybody hurt you in the past?"
"Why are you asking this kind of question?” She asked.
“We have been married for 8years, I noticed over the years that little things irritate you, you have anger, bitterness, and this fear that comes out of very petty things,” he said.
“Oh, wow now you have resulted to say that I am petty? You think my reaction over what you did last night was petty? You think I am petty?” She kept raving and prolonging the whole petty talk.
“Can you see exactly what I mean?” He said.
Now there was some sort of silence for about 5mins.
"My love, I am not saying that you are petty. I am saying you are easily irritated and angry. I am saying that your response to my dirty plate was cold and harsh, all you could have done was to correct me with love, instead, you attacked me, over a dirty plate, you fought me over a thing. Why are you this angry most of the times?” He asked.
There was another round of silence.
You were not born with anger, no one was born that way. Anger, a hot temper is something that comes into our lives as a result of several life experiences. It is our reaction to these experiences that pushes us to fear, defensiveness and confusion. We acquire an angry temperament from our upbringing and the pain we collect along the way. So I want you to conduct a search inside you, and tell me, when did all this whole anger issue start?"
“My love, take a deep breath. Let me in to the darkest part of your life. How did it start? When you open up, you release the pain and healing will start; but when you hide, you pretend, when you act like you are okay, when you wear a fake smile; healing will evade you and you will take it out on your loved ones. You will find yourself shouting at me and the kids, taking out your frustration on us.” I am here for you and I have always been here to help you fight and win your every battles.
Adenike broke down in tears.
He held her and embraced her. Then she cried even more.
“So many years ago, I was raped. I was raped by my very own cousins. I was a young girl, a very young girl” she started opening up.
She told him about her abortion when she was only 17 years old. She began opening more dark sides of how she was harassed sexually by her boss and no one was willing to believe her. She talked about how some of her close friends had the intentions of using her and dumping her. She also revealed her hurt of how her genuine love back then dumped her for another woman. She opened up about her struggle with self esteem, the nights she had to cry in order to sleep. She talked about how she made mistakes that ended up costing her time, money and peace of mind. She talked about her struggle with pornography and alcohol while she tried to project an image of a godly woman yet she felt God was angry with her. She talked about the nights she would wake up naked in bed with men she didn't love and so many other negative incidences.
Akin paid attention and listened thoroughly.
After much listening, he wiped her tears.
"My darling and baby, thank you for opening up and telling me all these things you experienced in the past. Now I understand where you are coming from and where you have been to. This will help me to love you more and also be patient with you. As you've shared this, it will take away the burden from you and the healing will commence." These he said to her.
She held on so closely to him and said that she had never ever opened up to share her burdens or worries with anyone before.
He responded to her by saying "Darling, this is why I am here for you. I am here to support you so as you also are here to support me at all times. A lot of people think marriage changes things but actually marriage reveals things. When marriage is done in honesty, marriage become a place of healing because where there is love there is healing. With God's help, my love will silence your fear, my love will redeem back your view of sex, my love will tell you the men you were with before me were wrong. I will show you that you are lovable, adorable, special and very rare. Everything that has happened, took place in the past. Now we are in the present and we have a great future ahead of us. I promise to be a better husband. We will fight all the battles together and I ensure you that genuine love will always win. This means that we will conquer great grounds together my love. Okay?"
She said to him with much passion, ”I love you so much my darling husband. You have been there always and I can't believe I had to keep this all to myself and suffer in silence by reacting to you at very little things. I am so sorry my love"
He kissed her and said to her, "My baby, healing will come. This is just a phase that will pass and it will make you stronger and better"
“I love you so much honey. You are a great and wonderful husband. Thank you so much my love,” she said.
“I love you too my baby and my heartbeat,” he said to her.
“Akin please kiss me,” she said.
"Akin make love to me," she asked.
They kissed and made love as new husband and wife like they've never done in their entire marriage. It was full of love and passion.
They prayed together, then Akin helped his lovely wife dress up and they both were ready and full of happiness. They had breakfast with the kids.
It was a bit late for work and for school though but it was worth it. Joy and happiness came in with full dose back into their home. The kids were so excited that their parents were excited and told their dad to always make sure their mum is happy.
What Lessons Did You Learn From This?
There are several lessons to learn that can encourage you. Love is patient and kind. There is power in love. 2 came together to become 1 in marriage. Don't think you can bear it all alone.
Keep a secret from your partner is punishing yourself.
There are so many other lessons to learn. Share your thoughts if you can.
This story was sent to me by a friend but I had to adjust the write-up to make it more interesting. It is a true life story.
Thank you for going through my blog once again. Do have a lovely weekend and a prosperous week ahead. Cheers!!