I must say that even as an adult, it's quite hard to understand the difference between hearing and actually listening to what someone has to say. Many a time, we mistake hearing for listening, and that's why some conversations go wrong. And when the victim complains, we tend to defend ourselves by saying we were actually listening, but then, we can't even remember what the conversation was all about in the first place.
The truth is that this two actions require the use of the ears first. After all we were taught that ear is the sense of hearing. For you to listen to someone, you must be able to hear them first, but listening goes beyond just hearing what someone has to say. It requires a whole lot of attention, and the heart. I saw a movie where someone said we listen with the heart, and I think he's right. If the heart is not involved, you wouldn't even relate to what the person might be saying.
A person who just hears a friend's complaint might give the wrong answers. For example, one might lament on how broke he is, and then his friend who's probably on his phone at the time would say, "it's not only you... Mine is even worse." But this isn't the right response to give to someone's complaint, and this is why most people find it hard to open up to their friends, because they feel that no one would listen to them.
Source
I had a friend whom I almost lost because I didn't pay attention to her. She had lost her parents in an accident, and because of that, things were tight for her. She wasn't sure how she was going to continue schooling. A few times before we closed for the session, she would mention a possible dropout from school, and I would laugh and tell her to relax. I'd tell her that she plays too much, but not once did I really give her words much thought, until the next session went halfway, and she didn't return. When I reached out to her, asking why she wasn't back, she said she had no fees. I went ahead to scold her for not telling me, but then she said she told countless times that she might drop out of school but I never listened. Her words made my heart drop. I did my best and we were able to raise her fees, but I learnt a lesson from that. It could've been something else, maybe a depressed person, and because of my ignorance, I might miss the signs I was supposed to see.
Listening hasn't really been easy, because like I said before, it requires a lot of attention for it to work. But I'm quite better than I was. At least now, when people talk to me, I try to understand what could've pushed them to open up. As for me, I do not have much people that I open up to, but the ones I try to talk to, they always listen.
Lastly, we should never be in a rush to assume that someone is talking to us because they need our help. Most people talk to people just to lessen the weight of the burden on their shoulders. If we could start to listen more, a lot of troubles would be stopped, and lives would be saved. If you listen to a person who has suddenly developed suicidal thoughts, you wouldn't dismiss their words as nothing, and your advice or comfort might go a long way to heal them.
