Last year, I got a call during the festive season that an old classmate whom we all thought was doing fine, had passed on. I asked the cause of death, and they said it was suicide_ apparently he was in a huge debt, and his business was going bankrupt. I couldn't believe my ears because this was someone who had participated in a WhatsApp group video call a week before the news, and he looked alright. We even made jokes, telling him to put us on so we can make money like him. Nobody knew that the smile on his face was pain. His loud laughter was him masking the terror he was under.
I wonder who made this rule about men being tough and unemotional. It makes no sense at all. Every year, people jump off their roofs, and do other things to end their lives just because they are going through stuff. Who said a man can't feel sad or get scared?
If only my friend had said something, his death could've been avoided. But he felt that maybe we would see him as a weak person, or probably mock him, and lose respect for him. This is what men think when they're asked to speak up.
The reason why pain, sadness, anger, fear and happiness exists, is so that people can express how they feel. This stigma that a man who expressing himself is a sign of weakness, really needs to stop. Crying doesn't make you less of a man. If it hurts, and crying is the only way to let it out, do it and take the weight off your shoulders.
As a woman, when my heart feels heavy, I talk to people. I talk to my friends; not because I want them to help me, but because I want to lessen the burden on my heart. Why can't a man do likewise?
When I see my male friends trying to toughen things out, I always give them the harsh reality of life.
If you keep things bottled up inside because the world will think you're weak when you speak up. If something eventually happens because of that, people would lament, and blame you for not saying anything. Maybe, depending on how prominent you are, thoughts of you might linger a few days or some weeks, and after that you become a fragment of the past. A memory that might not even pop up again, and life goes on.
We can't do life alone. The same way women are expected to cry and wail when things go south, men should be able to do that as well. It's true that society has painted the man to be a rock, but it doesn't work that way. When you are going through stuff, speak up. Even if help might not come from the people or person you're confiding in, you will feel better. I've long learnt that I feel better after I let things off my chest, and ever since I learnt that, I do not keep things bottled up. Be it anger, or sorrow, or pain, or sadness, I will always vent to someone, and I feel lighter and better after doing that.
I always encourage my friends, especially the male ones to feel free and talk to me when they are having a hard time, and it's been working.
If a man were to break down while talking to me, the same way I'd let my homegirl cry out her heart, or even cry with her sometimes, that's exactly what I'd do, because being a man doesn't make you immortal. Men are humans just like the ladies, and it's okay to cry, vent, yell, talk or wail... whichever works for you when you're down.
In conclusion, a man is allowed to feel pain and also express it. Nobody should treat a man less because he opened up. If all men should start speaking up, the rate of suicides in the world will reduce. As a woman, if there are men in your life, be a shoulder that they can lean and cry on too. And as a man, whoever makes you feel like you're weak or not man enough because you opened up, shouldn't be in your life. They do not love you if they make you feel less of yourself. Crying isn't weakness.
