(Peace na agad. Haha)
Humans are naturally self-serving. I see that clearly. Most people are self-serving in obvious ways, but me? I take detours.
I help. I support. I show up for people.
And if I’m being honest, part of that is because it makes me feel good about myself. It boosts my ego a little.
“Ah, I’m a good person.” Haha.
But I won’t pretend that’s the whole story.
What I’ve realized is this: it’s not just about feeling good. I actually want my help to work. I don’t just want to show up. I want results. I want people to do better, live better, choose better. And when they don’t… I get upset.
That’s where it gets real.
Because now I see it’s not just self-serving in a shallow sense. I get attached to outcomes. I care, yes. But I also expect something from that care, even if I don’t say it out loud most of the time.
And if I’m not careful, that can quietly turn into control, AGAIN.
“I helped you, so you should be better.”
“I guided you, so why are you still like that?”
Been there, said it.
Haha… dangerous territory.
The truth is, people don’t change just because I showed up in their life. They have their own will, their own timing, their own stubbornness. Some will waste what I give. Some will repeat the same mistakes. Some will choose differently than I hoped.
And when that happens, it can feel like:
my effort was wasted
my judgment was off
or worse, my identity as someone who helps people took a hit.
That’s why it stings more than I’d like to admit.
And if I’m being even more honest? I’ve burned out before because I was so tied up to the results. I carried outcomes that were never mine to carry. I let other people’s choices drain me, simply because I expected my help to produce change.
But here’s the correction I’m learning to hold onto:
I am responsible for how I show up, not for how they turn out.
I can give wisely.
I can help sincerely.
I can guide clearly.
But I cannot live their life, force their decisions, or guarantee their results.
If I will continue to tie my peace to how well people respond to me, I’ll burn out…AGAIN or become controlling AGAIN while still thinking I’m “just helping.”
So I’m learning a better posture:
I will help with excellence, but I will release the results.
Not careless. Not detached in a cold way. Just grounded.
And if I’m really honest with myself, sometimes my frustration isn’t just compassion. Sometimes, it’s disappointment that they didn’t validate my effort by becoming better.
But that doesn’t make me fake. It makes me human. The difference now is, I see it. And because I see it, I’m not blindly ruled by it anymore.
I don’t have to erase the part of me that feels good when I help. That’s normal. Even healthy. I just refuse to let that be the only reason.
So now, when I feel that frustration rising, I ask myself:
“Am I upset because they’re suffering… or because they didn’t do something great with what I gave?”
And my answer tells me exactly where my heart is.
I’ll always say this, I figured some things out. Just some of it. Because honestly, there will always be a Plan X, and here I am asking God for Y. Haha.
But this much I know:
I’m someone who started with self-serving motives, but I’m aware enough to not be ruled by them.
And that… I’ll take.
