A separation is a delicate situation that also affects the smaller ones. One of the main concerns of parents when they separate is how to announce their break-up to their children. When should it be done? Which words to use? And above all, how to answer the questions they will ask? The psychologist Monica Cruz, expert in the question, offers us the keys necessary to announce a separation to the children in an adequate way.
It is important for the parents to have a prior agreement. Both partners need to know what to say to the children and to make the announcement together as much as possible. For this, it is important to train upstream and not to leave room for improvisation.
It is better not to lie. A child is usually egocentric (especially before 6 or 7 years old), so he can tend to feel guilty. For this reason, it is important to have a concrete and clear explanation that prevents the child from inventing an excuse from his imagination because he lacks information.
It's not an easy time, but it's important for children to feel safe in their parents' words. This is the ideal way to make them understand that the decision is final.
It is not necessary to criticize the other. We can refer to some recent situations, or common disputes in recent times, but do not insult or blame the partner.
It is not a bad idea to explain to the little ones that everything has already been tried. Both parents tried to maintain the family union by solving their problems, but finally it was not possible to arrive safely.
From there, it is necessary to make the children understand that:
They have nothing to do with the situation. Everything just did not go as the parents hoped.
They can cry and express their emotions, they do not need to act as if nothing had happened.
It is important for parents to seek the opinion of children. They can even ask them if they expected it and if they had noticed the change of situation in recent times. Thus, we avoid creating false ideas.
Of course, it is important to explain what will happen in the immediate future. It must be affirmed that the family will always be a family, that time will be spent with dad and mom, etc. Thus, the uncertainty disappears.
Finally, it is important to make sure that the children have understood everything. If they have questions, it is important that they ask them.
Logically, announcing a separation to children is not easy and their reactions can be very diverse. Denial, anger, silence ... Whatever the situation, it is important that they understand that their parents will always be there for them, together or separated.
