I remember a friend ...

Who came to my house and said something that stuck with me“ "I thought I was strong because I never asked for help, and it turns out that deep down it was fear".

That was a realizing and consciously seeing the difference between the real strength and the one we built to survive an environment that did not know how to sustain us because we learned it that way, and what is learned at an early age, is intelligently worked on in adulthood looking for help to transform it.

What I am writing about is... a reflection of a complex society.

For example, when a child learns that expressing his emotions brings ridicule or indifference, he grows up becoming the adult who does not know how to ask for help, who keeps quiet about what he feels, who carries everything alone because at some point in the past he was taught that that was the safest thing. That's why it moves us internally, and most likely it's not just because you also had a moment like that, where you asked for help and your environment didn't know how to be, contain, validate; and today in adulthood, we probably still carry some of that.

How difficult it is that we parents cannot understand so many situations that arise before any painful circumstance, and this is how our children grow up, hopefully many parents internalize their words well...

That's why love is not enough, it's up to us as parents to put our heads, information and emotional tools into parenting. The lack of empathy is a reality, that's why it's up to us to be the filter that shields our children's minds from people without empathy and understanding.

It is sad when even the same teachers at school do not show support but are part of the problem, it is as if we leave our children to the interperie, fortunately we as parents give them tools at home to defend themselves, they are like their shields; the environment may fail but what they learn at home is strong, they, our children will know where to look for help.

It only takes common sense and the willingness not to ignore a child's pain. Emotional intelligence is not exclusive for a diagnosis, it is the minimum respect that every human being deserves to receive.

The problem is that adults minimize the problems, anxieties and emotions that happen to children, and by doing so they teach them that what they feel is not important; it's up to us to break that cycle and start really listening. Because cruelty exists, that's why our duty is not to spare them the world, but to give them tools so that our children do not let themselves be stepped on by anyone.

It is up to us to educate in values at home and demand vocation outside, but above all, to prepare ourselves to sustain our children's crises without judging them.

Janitze 🦋