Every election cycle seems to reinforce the absurdity of American politics. Today, I would like to highlight some issues with the "left," but if you're the MAGA type, don't gloat too much. You're up next.

Anti-war

...unless a Democrat kicks it off, or a Republican tries to wind it down. Remember when Trump, for all his saber-rattling faults, started to discuss withdrawal from Syria? The hawks weren't all Republicans.

Anti-Corporation

...unless it bills itself as "green." Or pays lip service to Democrat talking points. Or contributes to Democrat campaigns. Seriously, not only is the American left terrible at substantive criticism, they're even worse at even pretending to oppose corporatism in principle.

Free speech

...unless you say something they don't like. Then you will be subjected to a witch hunt and accused of every evil imaginable regardless of your past work or the context of what you said or even what you actually wrote. Cancel culture isn't about justice, it's about indiscriminately venting wrath.

All Campaigns for "Rights"

...If you submit to myriad new licenses, regulations, taxes, permits, fees, and oversight to exercise your natural rights in the first place.

• Gay marriage? Only if we license it.
• Weed? Only if we tax it.
• Guns? Damn right, we're gonna tax and regulate it if we think it looks too scary, and no, there is no compromise. We decide what you may have, period.

Presidency

Tired of old white men steeped in corruption? Tired of warmongering police state control freaks? Tired of womanizers claiming moral authority? Tired of people who can barely string together coherent sentences? Well, you get Joe Biden anyway!