I had intended to write about this final ceremony much sooner, but found that other things kept popping up and distracting me throughout the week. The Jackie that existed before this past weekend would have been annoyed at herself for not staying focused and doing what she had intended. The Jackie that exists now is a lot more accepting of letting things play out when they want to play out naturally.
And now I understand why it was important to wait before writing this post. I needed to experience the integration of the experience into this 4-dimensional reality. I needed to allow myself the time to process it, embrace it and put it to work.
So. Bufo...
Bufo alvarius is a species of toad that inhabits the southwestern United States and northern Mexico. Like with the Kambo, this creature produces a secretion, a "toxin", that has been used as medicine for a long time by those who know of its power. This was the specialty of the Shaman performing the ceremonies I was partaking in. He collects the secretions himself and has been informed that he will re-incarnate as this creature in his next life so as to be able to produce the medicine himself. He speaks of the toad with reverence, and following my experience with it, I completely understand why.
This ceremony was different from the other two in that it was performed individually for everyone, one-on-one with the Shaman. We had all been up for a while and were milling around the fire, sharing our experiences from the previous night when the Shaman began transferring some of his instruments to a little hill that was a few meters away from the fire. Then he began calling up the Bufo recipients one by one. I was one of the last to receive this ceremony, and so got to watch from a distance as others experienced it for the first time.
When it was my turn, I climbed the hill and sat cross-legged in front of the Shaman with a mat and pillow laid out behind me. No bucket was necessary for this ceremony. He began by burning his incense, then reminded me of the breathing instructions he had given the group as he loaded the hardened toad secretion into two glass pipes. He handed one to me and told me to start taking my 3 breaths in, and fully out as he was lighting his own pipe. On my third breath out, he told me to hold the exhale and then start sipping gently, "like the wind" as he lit the pipe. This medicine burns slowly and you need to pace your breath to it. I felt it begin to enter my lungs and when I started to feel that it was becoming too much, I raised my hand. He pulled the pipe away as I swallowed to create more space as he had instructed beforehand and then he brought the pipe back to my lips. I don't remember falling backwards from my seated position, but I must have at that point because I was basically knocked out of my physical body. I liken the feeling of leaving the physical plane to that highest point of a rollercoaster drop where your body is weightless for a split second before it's pulled down with the rollercoaster car, but this feeling persists for the entirety of the non-physical experience. It was like Chuck Norris had been dropped into my brain and roundhouse-kicked my third eye open. It was then that I truly saw and became one with ALL of Consciousness. The network of every connection in colours and moving branches like tress of neural connections. It was all still sound, and I was let in on the biggest inside joke of all. Life is truly a playground in which to learn. Our physical bodies are avatars to carry us through the experience. I met what some might call the "Ascended Masters", distinct in their connections and I could sense their individual personalities, but they were still part of the whole. They were laughing at me, and I had to laugh as well. They showed me some of the tests they had presented me with over the course of my life and I cringed as I watched some of my actions with them. It was like they had a whiteboard out and were circling and analyzing things in a post-game play-by-play. They're cheering form me, but I discovered that they like to have their fun as well. It was made very clear to me that I'm an ornery child, a relatively new consciousness in relation to the Ancient Ones, and that I have much to learn. I threw a bit of a tantrum, letting them know that some of their lessons hurt me deeply and they allowed me to cry and returned me to the earth. It felt so unfamiliar upon returning that I needed to grab it and have some physical sensation of it.
The Shaman's eyes brought me back into focus in this dimension. He observed me, saw me, and so I was. It took me a couple hours to fully exist in this reality again.
This past week, the only fear I've had has been that I will forget the feeling of connectedness. That feeling of oneness. I don't want to go back to "sleep". At first it was very difficult for me to be back in this reality and interacting with others who had not experienced what I had; hadn't experienced the "Oneness". I have come to realize though, that just like anything else, it's going to take practice to integrate what I've learned and play in both worlds. I also realize that any frustration I encounter is really just impatience.
In knowing what the connectedness feels like, I have become very aware of what actions in this reality strenthen that connection or inhibit it. Food seems to be a big factor, and that makes sense. When we eat, we are absorbing the energy of whatever we're eating and if it's very dense (like meat), it will increase our energetic density and keep us more in the physical realm. Plants, on the other hand are much higher in vibration and eating them actually has been strengthening my connection this past week. I've begun slowly transitioning to a more plant-based diet. Another big factor has been water. Just like I saw the Shaman do with the Ayahuasca bottle, I've been infusing my Berkey-filtered water with the sound of my crystal singing bowl before drinking it. Immediately after drinking this water, I feel my connection to Source strengthen. This feeling is a relaxation of my entire body and mind, a lightness when considering the things I have available to explore before me and an excitement for the amazing things I know will be headed my way. I can't even describe how good it feels. When the connection is strengthened, I also feel my consciousness expanding beyond the limits of my physical body. It's a pretty amazing sensation.
In the times in the past week that I've felt anger, frustration, loneliness, sadness and fear, I have been able to recognize these emotions as stemming from a disconnection from Source and have been able to adjust myself accordingly, either by drinking my sound-infused water, fasting for a bit to decrease my energetic density/eating some high-vibration plant-based food or meditating with the intention of surrendering and letting go. All I have to do is find the sound, and know that there is nothing to worry about. All I have to do is trust, relax and enjoy. At the beginning of the week, I was really struggling with my meditations because I wanted to find that very strong feeling of connection again, and was trying to force it instead of surrendering to it. I felt the Masters laughing at me, and that helped me to laugh at myself and relax enough to hear their teachings. I now see myself as the newly initiated, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed consciousness that has just discovered a new jungle gym, but I don't yet know how to even walk. Practice. Patience. The Masters tell me it will come. I will get better at establishing and maintaining that connection over time. I've made the commitment to them and to myself that I will meditate every day so as to expedite my learning. I've also made the commitment to acknowledge my progress with this every day, no matter how small the amount of progress might feel. One day at a time. They have shared with me that this will increase my healing abilities exponentially and allow me to do things in this physical world that I would have deemed impossible only a week ago. The magic is real.
Thanks for coming on this journey with me. I hope my experience provides some useful information to those who are seeking their own healing. I'm happy to answer any questions about any of the three ceremonies and would love to connect with others who have shared this experience or similar ones.
Stay tuned ;)
Jackie O
Image from: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colorado_River_toad
