I stared at her for a long long time. Fixated, to be exact. She was the epitome of beauty and character. No one... No one was like her! I watched as she sat down on a bench at the park. I couldn't believe people passed by without even taking a glance. I wish I had the courage to come close and finally talk to her. But the very thought of it dried my throat and made my body go numb.
Yes, I am a shy person; maybe even fearful. I can't even approach a normal stranger without my heart pounding, my entire body sweating and, my head screaming for me to run. Run and never look back. I had been to a couple of therapists with no progress at all. What a sad plight, what a sad fate.
Time and people passed by.
I must talk to her today! Yes, today! I repeated this a thousand times then I stood up and started my slow agonizing journey towards the bench she sat on. Stop! Turn Back! You're a fool for thinking you can do this!
I ignored all instincts. I was going to do this! I had to!
I came closer and closer till I finally stood directly in front of her. I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes. Without a word, I sat down beside her. Then finally I began talking, "Hello Rachel, my name is Arthur."
She was silent.
"I wanted to talk to you a long time ago."
Still no reply
"I hope I don't freak you out but I have feelings for you"
The silence was now screaming in my ears.
"These stored feelings have now overwhelmed me and I must now share it with you."
...screaming so loud it started to hurt
"I know it's too late, but I hope you can hear me"
Hot chunks of tears fell freely from my eyes.
"I know you left this world for a better one. But still, I hope you hear me."
I was sobbing uncontrollably in the middle of the park. People gave me the occasional glance of concern but I didn't care. Not anymore.
I tried to compose myself. In time, I calmed down a bit. With a big and heavy sigh, I offered my last thoughts to her.
"I love you, Rachel. We may never see tomorrow together but I will cherish the last moment I shared with you from a distance. Farewell!"
I stood up and walked up the road towards the sunset. At the top of the hill, I looked back.
Every day I still do.
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