“This breaks our immortality deal,” the being slammed the butt end of their staff on the ground, causing the palace to shake and the floor began to crack around him. Some poor souls were blown away from the room while the some of guards were barely able to hold their ground while the rest collapsed. Ten beings were all that were left standing wearing some very prestigious clothing. “Please forgive us, this may be an error in our side. We would not try to stoop so low to break these sort of agreements. Please tell us you name so we can fix this as soon as possible.” The being shrank their staff to put it away. Their eyes burned red with the injustice that was placed upon them. “My name is SUN WUKONG” -- Anon Guest
[AN: Does rewriting the classics count as cultural appropriation? I do think so. Therefore, I am taking some inspiration from the original. Does this count as fanfic? I don't know!]
The minute that monkey strode into his realm once more, Lord Yanlo knew he was in for a beating. Things like that happened in the general aura of the Stone Monkey King when he was ticked. He might yet be saved by the paperwork.
The worrying fact was that this was the second time his over-eager minions had gone to collect his soul.
Under "Monkeys" of course, in the S section, someone had rudely scratched Sun Wukong. "This wasn't me," said Lord Yanlo desperately. "This isn't even my handwriting. Look." He showed the page. "Everyone knows I'm left-handed, and this was written by a right-handed spirit! Further, their brushwork is attrocious."
Sun Wukong took the book, and an extra minute to cross out many more monkey names while he was there. He also crossed out his own for good measure. "All right. I won't beat the spit out of you this time. But I want a full investigation into everyone who has access to your book-keeping."
Which was, when one got down to the minutia of it, the most boring quest in the Great Sage's extended lifetime. With someone like him menacing all the clerks, chatelaines, and servants of the underworld, there was significant motivation to be found innocent.
Everyone who could read and write were cleared of any wrongdoing. Anyone who knew how to hold a writing brush was cleared of wrongdoing.
"Ugh, fine," growled the Monkey King. "I give up! I'm letting it go this one time, but if it happens again..." a meaningful swish of his staff. "I am kicking all of Hell's asses."
Lord Yanlo, being lord of the dead, did not need to breathe. Nevertheless, he felt an intense desire to pant from the sheer relief. It was not many times that someone got a reprieve from Sun Wukong.
Ahbai, one of Yanlo's minor servants, brought him tea to calm his nerves. "Is there a new rule for the stone monkey, my lord?"
"While the world speaks his name, or any variant of it... His name shall not be written in my books. And, for that matter, five millennia thereafter."
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / notkoo2008]
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