"I was there, in the midst of the firefight, that damn song on full-blast but it kept me pissed, hate that song now. Most of my closest friends are dead. My lover... they're gone, too. Yeah, I could've gotten an arm that looks real, skin that looks real, and not look like a patchwork doll, but I didn't want it. I can't... I don't want to forget that war, brief as it was. Even if their screams call out every night. I was one of the unlucky ones. I lived. I miss my friends....."
A soldier talking to their therapist who was helping them deal with the massive amounts of PTSD after the fight against Those Bastards.
@internutter/challenge-03196-h287-not-singing-with-them -- Anon Guest
[AN: Content warning for the horrors of war]
Lem had been on Evac patrol when Those Bastards turned everything to shit. First order of business was always to protect the civilians. Riko had launched with the cargo bay open and activated the Hungry Caterpillar as the doors eased closed, desperate people clinging to the exterior.
Lem remembered one throwing their baby into the Caterpillar's horrifying maw. Then making a religious gesture and taking a literal leap of faith. The Caterpillar was busy, and didn't prioritise anyone.
Lem remembered the sound as that parental bounced. So many were falling, but that one had been hir lover.
The small blessing of their kid's survival was forever in the shadow of Hemmila's sacrifice. So many others had paid their lives in order for so few to live. And so very many of those who lived were just like Lem. Forever broken because of who was gone.
Talking to a therapist.
Trying to move forward and blocked by the wall of their grief.
"I didn't even know it was Hemmila who fell until mop-up. I wasn't meant to be near the front, but the front came to us. And then..." A desperate scramble. Maybe those who fell had made it.
Someone threw hir a weapon and some ammo and screamed, "One shot one kill, soldier!" and the rest was a matter of taking careful aim at the thorax.
Kill them back.
Make them pay.
Keep them away from the bodies that were too still on the ground.
"At some point, I heard the song. Bob's playlist. Stuck on loop with that one... flakking song. It pissed me off and I used that, but..." A deep breath. A sob. It had still been playing when ze'd dragged hirself to Hemmila's body. "Powers, I hate that flakking song."
"Take your time," soothed Therapist Petal. "You know how to vent safely if you need it."
Lem would rather cradle the soft toy. "When Those Bastards blew me up, I landed right beside hir. I could see... But I couldn't get to hir. I couldn't reach. I couldn't hold hir hand because I didn't have any hands left. I wanted to hold hir. One last time."
By the time Lem was cleared from the hospital services with printed organs and hastily-made replacement limbs, Hemmila was already buried.
"I hate that song," said Lem. "I hate Those Bastards. And I hate that I didn't even try to catch hir..."
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / piedmont_photo]
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