Hi,guys!
Today I have a small victory. I had the strength to at least sit down normally at the table and prepare before doing this publication. Of course, I constantly want more progress, to get back to normal as soon as possible, but I already realized that it doesn't work that way. However, I would like to point out that understanding and accepting are two different things. Accept myself, accept that it will always be so, that I will constantly have to take off, then fall, and again and again rise literally to my knees.
Naturally, I don't want to admit it. But life dictates its own terms. Today I had a chat meeting with Jana Frank, she is a famous illustrator and a wonderful woman who always knew what to say to me, what to suggest, could always advise how to fix a particular problem, but today it turned out that even she was powerless. You just have to accept it.
Yes, I understand that I am not alone in this way, that all people have ups and downs, but I, like everyone else, go through my subjective experience, and it is hard for me. I really hoped that Yana would be able to tell me something. In essence, my question sounded like "how to cope with this? How to cope with the fact that as soon as everything is working out, work is getting better, physical shape and so on - something necessarily happens, and you have to start from scratch again?"
Yana also starts from scratch all the time, at least twice a year. And it upsets and demotivates her too. And she didn't have a recipe for how to deal with it. She suggested that I try to come to terms with this as an inevitable injustice. Perhaps I will try to do so.
This is a very old photograph. But I love her very much, because I remember that she is wearing a person who is absolutely passionate about his work, who believes in him, and who looks at things very optimistically. This is a person whom I have not been for a very long time, but to whom I so want and hope to return. This was me before my manic depressive psychosis became the main steering of my life.
A few posts ago, I said that I signed up for a psychotherapist. Now there are literally a few days left before our meeting, and I'm not even nervous anymore. I would have been nervous before. And now I do not care, I am ready for almost any measure, if only life again becomes the way I can hardly remember it.
But I will definitely not give up. Take care of yourself and your loved ones:)
See you in the next post!
Love, Inber
