Hi, guys!
So, I share the news from my "fields". I really have a kind of battlefield with my mental breakdown and I still believe and hope to win. As usual, I come to the dentist (I'm terribly afraid of them, because I managed to catch those times when the treatment with these doctors was still very painful) and immediately start laughing and joking. Something like an inadequate stress response. So here too - I try to relate to what is happening with humor, while it is still possible.
My husband and I agreed that in two days (although technically already the day after tomorrow) I would be admitted to a sanatorium, which, however, has a profile in neurology, not psychiatry, but since at the moment I am technically not at the extreme point of mania or depression - will do too. I will have a consultation with a neurologist and a set of procedures aimed at strengthening the nervous system, in my case, the thing is very useful. Mostly these are water procedures, which makes me very happy. Antipsychotics have the ability to give weight gain, and since I now have quite high doses, I hope that this will help me to avoid completely extreme conditions. The last conclusion from acute psychosis gave me 25 extra pounds, with which I am still struggling, so far only seven have won.
Image from Google pics
Today I spent most of the day packing. For me, this is always a long and painstaking process, and still I cannot avoid nightmares a few nights before leaving. I dream that I have forgotten something - documents, clothes, whatever. Or that I missed the train / plane, or that I arrived on the wrong day, or that I got lost in a wonderful city. The last fears are most justified, since I really have a very poor orientation on the terrain. The only city where I risked a little walk without a guide was Amsterdam, and then I walked very little, and all the time I was nervous that I would get lost and that the tour bus would leave without me.
From the good (besides the fact that we found a sanatorium where I will be accepted), I can say that most likely in a few days I will start publishing my graphic works again, if only because I have a lot of time, I will be in nature, and I already feel inspiration creeping in. I have gathered with me materials for both digital, there and for traditional drawing and I believe that I can share new works. True, perhaps they will be a little strange, I have long wanted to do a series of works about how the world is perceived when you have a mental disorder. Perhaps it will also be a kind of psychotherapy for me.
Since I am going for several weeks, I will urgently have to leave the vocal lessons for the remaining few days, which are still on my subscription. I have only two days left, and I have four lessons. Therefore, tomorrow and the day after tomorrow I will sing for two hours a day. In general, it seems to me that this is a little unfair. I always pay for classes in advance, and my teacher says that there are a lot of students from whom it is then unrealistic to get money for the work already done, and even though they do not want me to postpone classes "forward", so that I could at least two hours of the remaining four to leave after I leave the hospitals But there is also a good thing in this - as I said, music is now something that very much helps me to cope.
So, most likely tomorrow and the day after tomorrow I will publish a few songs from rehearsals, and then I will return to publishing artwork again.
See you in the next post!
Love, Inber
