One thing about loving a person is that you sometimes cannot tell when you are doing too much neither can you tell when you're doing too little, as all you can think of in your head is their well-being and nothing else.
The concept of “tough love” inspires many opinions. Do you feel that this approach to helping people along is helpful or hurtful? Have you experienced dishing it out and/or receiving it? .
One thing I am learning to do is to know when to take a step back and to know when to stop.
I was watching a reality show recently and in the show, two sisters were having their diary session and one of the sisters kept complaining about how she felt unheard, she talked about how her sister pushing her too hard made her feel.
In their conversation, she tried to make her sister understand that they were two different people with different personalities, and while explaining she broke down, I didn’t know when I broke down too. I broke down because most of the things she said to her sister were things I have said and done to my sister too which she always complained about, I felt so bad, I felt so bad because, in a bid to push my sister, I have hurt her in many ways that I didn’t know, tough love much?
My sister and I are two different people, I am the extrovert and she is the introvert. She’s the calm one and I am the strong-headed one. While evaluating myself and my relationship with my sister I discovered I have been using the wrong approach or I’d say method to correct and guide my sister, forgetting that we both have different personalities and approaches to life and what works for me, might not work for her, or what I might perceive as easy might take a lot from her, and as a result, it seemed as though I was forcing her to be like me which is never possible.
My sister is so smart, she’s one of the smartest people I know so whenever I see her relaxed about certain things it gets to me. I know how much potential she has and I know the great things she can achieve if only she would stop shying away from challenges.
Now I understand that those times I felt like she could do more I might have pushed her way too much than she could handle. Sometimes I push her so hard that we quarrel, but she still gets the job done and we both sort things out.
I have had so many of these “quarrel” episodes with her every now and then but I didn’t know the length of which I was hurting her, it took watching a similar scenario to make me realize I was going way overboard. Remember my intentions were and are pure and my doing “too much” was as a result of loving her too much to watch her take the back seat while she could be the driver.
While listening to those sisters I kept asking myself different questions, “Was this how my sister felt all these years?”
“Was this how my good intentions were perceived as doing too much or hurting the person in question?”.
It’s crazy the length we can and are willing to go for people we love.
Tough love to an extent is good but when it hurts the person in question deeply and constantly then it becomes toxic.
All images are mine except otherwise stated.
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Loads of Love🥰🥰
XOXO
