The next couple days flew by. It was like I was floating on a cloud. It feels so relieving to have something to look forward to. When I was younger, I would always have a crush; someone who I would long

Something has happened. Something amazing. I can’t even. I met a man. I’m bursting just writing that. His name is Marty. I haven’t stopped smiling since we started talking at the Funk n Waffle. We clicked

I got a bag today from a support group for people with mood disorders. It was lime green and had the word “Humana” on it. I did not know what it meant , but it suits me: like human, but not quite. (I later

How rapidly the tides change. I am ecstatic. I feel incredible! I finally did it. I finally broke out of my shell and let myself be free. I had sex with a man. It felt incredible, and it has made my mind

I tossed and turned all night, unable to find any peace of mind. I wound up crying a bit, as I had done earlier yesterday. I feel so undesirable. Not only am I on the verge of homelessness; I am a reject

It’s now Saturday night. Something happened. I feel embarrassed writing about it, but at the same time I’m not. There was a big push in the cult to teach us that there is no shame. At least that’s what

It’s Saturday, and I have been alone for most of the day. I’m mostly reflecting while being productive. I keep trying to push myself to do more but my mind keeps wandering. I wanted to go for a walk, but

My friend and fellow juggler, Lawrence, has let me stay at his place with my two other friends, Sean and Robb. I just got back upstairs after having a slice of pizza. I’m crying because of it. It’s such

As of a few hours ago, I am homeless. I am sitting at the local Mini Mart, trying to figure out my next move. I’m messaging people, and waiting to hear back from a friend I trust. Worst case scenario,

Yesterday, I took four hits of LSD. The experience was more than I could possibly put into words. It was easily one of the most transformative experiences of my life. I will attempt to unravel some of

What is truth when there are lies To hide the world behind these eyes? Can’t admit; denial never quits Will never answer: who is it? What is the nature of this creature That feels as its dominant feature?

Today, I stepped out of my comfort zone. My intent was to go to the civic center downtown, apply for the benefits I need, and then go get my long-overdue permit at the DMV. I accomplished about 75% of

I need to love myself before I can love anyone else. For so long, I’ve craved to be with another person. Ever since my first crush in 6th grade, I have been obsessive over finding love. I needed to fill

It sounds like this: "Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump."

I used to run track. I was pretty good at it. I won most of the time, and regularly put up impressive times. I owe much of my success to my ability to ignore my pain. I could dissociate in the moment and

Today I went busking in my hometown of Syracuse again. This is the first time I've done this since I was taken advantage of by that cult, Earth Nation/Love Cycle. It was particularly nerve-wracking because

I have schizophrenia. Along with the super fun delusions that the CIA is beaming thoughts in my head to get a sex change, I regularly oscillate from one extreme mood to the other. Some days, I am literally

Last night I was browsing Reddit as my brain started to shut off in preparation for romping through dream space. As I refreshed the page, an ad caught my attention. This is somewhat unusual, as I’m conditioned

I’ve been afraid most of my life. There’s a story to this. My mother had AIDS and died when I was 9. My father was abusive, in more ways than one. I was routinely picked on as the weird kid, which admittedly,

A clear sky is blue But what clouds will do Stain the heavens Rain comes from seven Scars on the arm Marred is my charm No second look Worse than a crook Seen as a freak Have to be meek Otherwise worse