Sometimes I actually feel like I don’t love myself enough and that’s because I now, I naturally tend to put others first before myself. Whenever I have something to do, I always battle within myself thinking of how others will feel if I did something for myself alone and it makes me feel like a wicked person most times when I choose to please myself instead, so, I just consider others too (mostly I consider them first) before doing anything. The truth is, sometimes I wish I can just be wicked and not care about others when I do what I want to do but lately, I have come to understand that it took me so long to get here.
As a child, I was very quick to put myself first. I didn’t care about others that much especially when I’m doing the right thing (I always felt I was right, lol). I was very quick to point fingers without even offering to help. I was so many things that I didn’t like and deep down, I knew I wanted to be better because not considering others before doing some things is not the right thing. It was a real struggle between letting my desires win, doing what makes me happy and doing the right thing. Thanks to my family and people around me, I was able to understand that life is not all about winning all the time but it’s about being at peace with oneself and others at every point in time.
I started working on myself and I started becoming better at a lot of things. Not necessarily things that people care about but deep down, I knew I was becoming a different person and I loved it. I knew just accepting this change would be hard but I learnt to be intentional about the whole process and I kept putting one foot in front of the other and I’m still pushing. During this journey of mine, a lot of persons gave me a reasons to always seek my own and forget about other people because they don’t care about me and I could literally see that but then, I reminded myself of why I have chosen this path that I’m on.
I know people can be really amazing in different ways so before I chose this path that, I was willing to accept whatever comes with it. I’m not necessarily doing this so others can repay me the favor, I’m doing it because I know it is the right thing to do because that’s what the holy scriptures teaches me. My rule still stands and if ever you see me do other wise, please don’t hesitate to remind me of it. The rule is “Doing to others what I want them to do to me”. They don’t have to do it to me (especially the good ones) but I’ll do to them what I want them to do to me.
This path is not so rewarding in the world we live in but good thing is I know there is so much that meets the eye. This is how I strive to life mindfully and though it’s hard, I’m beginning to find peace with this path and with myself. And like I always tell people, people can choose to be whatever they want to be and I have little or no control over that but I have control over “ME”and that’s all I need to make a difference.
Thanks for reading through. ❤️
