It was never easy growing up as a girl child without her mother by her side to guide her. I was literally just lost most of the time and finding my way back always seems even more harder because I'm never sure if I was making the right choice or not. Hmm, should I say, I was trying to be someone that can handle things well even without any guidance but then I realized that I only made things even more difficult for others most times.
I'm the second child of the family and I have two siblings but then it's been over 18 years since we lived with just my Dad, of course there were days when we lived with others like my grandparents and aunties especially during holidays so dad can have some time to handle some personal stuffs without worrying too much about his children. Since my mum was no longer there for us as she should, I grow fond of my Dad even more, I enjoy being around my dad because when I'm with him I feel safe and free to express my thoughts and feelings better because that's the way he brought us up.
My Dad is one of the most loving and caring person I've ever known, yes he gets mad at us sometimes but that's because we make some mistakes and of course it's normal for him to get mad at us. My mom is also loving and caring but the fact that I did not get to know her like I knew my dad, it created that space in between and it just feels like I'm speaking with a stranger whenever I get to talk to her and I kind of always try to avoid talking to her for too long because I'm not sure what makes her happy and angry. I easily run out of words to say when I'm discussing with her.
After some years when mum left, I realized that dad was always finding it hard to rest because he was always worried about his children's well being and how he could give us what we need. I remember there was a day when I woke up late in the night and found dad just sitting at the side of the bed, I was not sure why he was up in the dark but I could feel he was sad and worried. Seeing dad like that made me feel so worried and I started rolling on my bed just to get his attention and it worked, dad loves us so much and he's very attentive when it comes to his children.
Dad stood up and came to find out the reason why I was rolling on my bed, immediately I felt him moving close to me I quickly closed my eyes so he won't know I was awake. He thought I was feeling hot and he started using a cloth to give me air so I can sleep well. I stretched my body in satisfaction of the breeze I felt from the cloth dad waved and after sometime I fell asleep.
I think I had a scary dream and that woke me up again and I saw dad at the same position he was the last time, this time I stood up to go meet him. I don't remember exactly what I said to him but I know it made him feel a little better and that was when he agreed to go back to bed. From the little I can remember, I think my Dad was worried of how he was going to pay for our school fees because the school already gave us letters to give to our parents to remind them of our fees.
As a little girl, I only understand one thing then, my dad was struggling and the only thing that I thought I could do to help was pray for my dad to be paid his salary. Surprisingly, when my dad came back home, he was looking so happy, they paid him his salary! I was so grateful to God for answering my prayers, because I could feel the joy from all of us on hearing the news. And that was how my dad was able to pay for our school fees and also settle some other things.
My dad is someone that always likes being happy no matter what but that night was just different but I realized he became happy again after he was able to settle our school fees and some of the bills that were pressing at that time. I became very relaxed and happy when I saw my dad smiling especially when he saw how satisfied we were. It took me a while to know how to make my dad always happy but after I realized it, I've always tried my best to make him happy because he has done so much for me and my siblings.
I'd also like to use this post as a response to the final #dreem-wotw challenge . I made use of three prompt words out of the five: sanctuary, time, distant, blank and illusion.
