You Learn Something New Everyday...Even When You'd Rather Not

So, the past few days I've had this terrible cold, which is really unfair because I got it from my brother, who wasn't nearly as sick (bloody bastard), so obviously I'm not too happy. And I'm normally okay with colds, but this one turned into a sinus infection thingy, which in turn means clogged ears. And clogged ears are a really horrible thing to have because they fuck with your overall balance and orientation and make you dizzy.

For short, clogged ears suck.

And obviously, my first instinct was to look up treatments and (natural) relief for clogged ears and one piece of advice that really got my attention was "avoid candling". I mean, I get the avoid Q-tips, but what the fuck is candling?

Apparently, it's some sort of voodoo practice of placing a hollow candle on your ear, with the lit end on the outside and the other end in your ear and the heat is supposed to travel through the candle and loosen wax or whatever and taa-daa unclog your ears.

First of all, I feel insulted. I did not need someone to tell me not to play with lit candles around my ears. I mean, I don't claim to be terribly bright, but come on...give me some credit.

Second of all, doesn't this "candling" thing sound like something you'd find on Pornhub or something? Sounds extremely porny to me...

Oh wait, it is!

Yep, a quick Google search (I swear I was trying to find out what the ear thing is and not looking for kinky shit) revealed that 'candling' is a sexual practice. Who would've thought...(well, with that name, everyone really)

a sexual act involving 3 or more people. one person, the candler, repeatedly shoves his penis into the anuses of the other members of the candling group until ...

Needless to say, I did not click on the link. I seriously do not want to know until what, as it sounds painful and gross. But should you be interested, go ahead and look it up on Urban Dictionary (where else...)

The thing I love though is that under suggested searches, there is the 'candling Walmart' one....Now, I have heard Walmart is pretty weird, but I didn't know things had gotten quite so bad.

In any case, I'll just stick with my clogged ears for a wee bit longer.Seriously, I'm good.