I'm reading this fun, fascinating book by an author I really like. It's called "The Post-Birthday World", by Lionel Shriver, and basically, it explores two separate what might've been's. Starting from a key point in the protagonist's existence, namely the chance for a kiss, the book explores what happens if she kisses the man in question, and what happens if she doesn't. It sounds sappy, I know, but it ain't. In fact, it's surprisingly humorous and true to life.
Anyway, it got me thinking about the what might've been's in our own lives. How jarringly different your life might be, had you made a different choice, at some point. Not necessarily better - in fact, that's what I like about the book, it doesn't outline either alternative as "the right one". That's because, big surprise, there is no right one. I mean, sure, not kissing him would've been the "right", the proper choice, but if she hadn't, she would've missed out on the best sex of her life. And surely, the rules can, and should be broken for things like that.
But then, if the rules can be broken, what's to separate the justified reasons from the ones that are not? Once we've established that the rules are flexible, then we're no longer bound to observe them. Reminds me of an old gag:
A man asks a beautiful woman on the street: "Would you sleep with me for ten thousand dollars?", to which the lady says, "Why, of course I would." The man stops, considers, then says "Well, would you fuck me for 100 bucks?", to which the woman replies, appalled "What do you take me for, some kind of whore?", and the man says "My dear, we've already established that, this is just negotiating the price."
In my somewhat skewed analogy, the rules are the whore, essentially, the things that dictate our moral code are obviously bendable. But by what? The right motivation? And what is that, exactly? Who chooses that? Us? But we're bent, anyway. Society? That's bent, too. Which suggests to me that the rules may be bent, also.
And that "this is the right thing to do" or "this isn't the right thing to do" are ultimately subjective, and also bent.
But where does that leave us? Why, easy. We each have our own internal set of rules and guidelines. "This was the right thing to do" is a very big and important motivator and pacifier for many of us, because it tricks us into thinking what might've been, had we done the wrong thing, wouldn't have been worthwhile. Sure, it's alright you didn't take a shot, because it would've been wrong in your crooked heart, and so now, you must tell yourself that the wrong thing would've had disastrous consequences.
Or not. It might've been the best decision of your life, even if it was "wrong".
But then, what's left? If we can't base our decisions on our internal set of guidelines, then on what? Seems to me the only alternative here is to go with your gut, and that's got its own set of perils. And sure, many people trick themselves into thinking the "right" decision was their gut choice, as well. But honey, if it was, you wouldn't need to talk yourself into thinking it's right - right?
Will following your gut eliminate all these bittersweet what might have been's from your life? Also, no. But that wasn't the result we were after. You'll be haunted by what might've been regardless, so sorry to disappoint you, if you thought that was our end goal. It just seems to me that, it might be a tad easier to explain to yourself why some things got away, if you did what your gut told you. I don't know. What do you think?
Because I literally had no other idea of what picture to use - here's one of me, over my laptop, writing this at 1 am.
Also, here's a song that goes well with this post.