I've always had significant trouble sitting in one box.
When I was only a writer, I found the mystery explained and carried itself. Nobody quite seemed to know what that was like, as long as it didn't involve barista-ing on the side or working a 9-to-5 while hoping to "make it big". With copywriting, they had an easier time.
Now, since I teach yoga, I've found it easier to primarily feed people that when faced with the ever-popular "and what do you do?". People more or less understand what that entails. Sports. Fitness. A box I am familiar with. Rarely, do they ask about the writing if faced with a choice, which I find strangles and irritates me greatly.
I've never known how to be just one thing.
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the "jack of all trades, master of none" saying. We seem to take it as a given that one must specialize and stick to it. Define what you are. Ideally by the way in which you make money. And stick with it. Never having a proper "trade", I've found my identity to be much more fluid. Changeable.
Logically, identity is an ever-transient thing you are constantly negotiating with the surrounding world. So then, isn't it counter-intuitive to seek to settle into just one thing?
I get it. Choosing means a kind of stability. Trying new things always and re-defining yourself means exposing yourself to failure, first-tries, all sorts of unpleasantness and uncertainty.
Unfortunately, I'm not entirely sure that stability is actually there, and not just some convenient illusion. After all, we live in highly unpredictable times. Who can know what will be in five years, let alone fifteen?
I find myself assailed by options. We could be going here. Or doing that. Then again, there's an opportunity for this other thing. Or maybe a trip there. Or maybe...maybe...maybe...
The classic complaint with this kind of thing is choice paralysis.
I do not suffer from that. I'm quite comfortable making a choice, but it's often not the obvious choice, or the choice I've made previously. There's too much life out there for you to not try, you know?
I have a poor accountability for changing my mind. I'm stubborn about the things I want and think I can get, but also not as obstinate as to blindly go down a path. Why not try something else for a while, and gather some more experience to you?
I find it's a lifestyle that's suited and served me well so far.
I can't use sentences like "I do this", because it's only ever "I do this for now". Is that commitment issues? Perhaps, but so it be. Life's too short not to try. And would my life be more predictable and secure if I wasn't like this? Also quite likely.
Last year - I may have mentioned this - someone pointed out I tend to have a looot of interests, and risk divesting my attention and energy in no meaningful way. I was quite hurt and worried about their warning, because what if that was true?
I love writing, art, I'm learning still, I'm doing the yoga thing, but also love psychology and am currently finding all sorts of reasons to travel, and what sort of odd jobs and arrangements that may entail. I'd like to go somewhere and dedicate myself to learning how to surf for a few months.
I understood the warning. It was in the context of yoga, and it meant if you try to do yoga and dancing and somatic work and psychology stuff and journaling and whatever the hell might cross your mind at the moment, you're not specializing on a niche and won't be successful. Maybe so. But the older I get, the more I come to terms with the fact that I've never been a person who can niche down and build an empire. I'm too attracted by too many things at one time.
Last night, I went to see a movie made by a local actor I like. Who wrote it also, and sort of directed as well, and had a hand in the lights, and likes to draw, and write and do some photography and stand-up, and philosophize and... I'm kinda like that, too.
