I don't know how this goes in other countries, but here, there are a lot of families that "stay together for the kids". I was reflecting earlier on how I don't know too many people who are the result of divorce, nor are they the product of particularly happy marriages.
On the contrary, I've heard a lot of stories about parents cheating on their spouses, abuse, and all sorts of other suffering, yet these people are married to this day. Now, of course, I don't know their particular circumstances - maybe there were finances involved, as is often the case in these things, maybe they had their reasons. But just supposing you don't, and that you can afford to break away from a marriage that no longer suits - why shouldn't you?
My family has never been big on the notion of marriage. I don't know why, exactly, but it just doesn't seem to stick to us for long. The case of my uncle, which is not an unusual case in itself, comes to mind. My uncle, who's managed to inherit all of my grandfather's traits, it seems, has always been a notorious philanderer, causing his wife... well, I imagine some amount of grief, over the years. But he never left her, and what's even stranger to me, she never left him. Now granted, they have two children, the youngest of which is now ten, so perhaps they stayed together "for the kids", as a financial decision or something. Anyway, I guess my uncle finally decided it had been long enough, because from what I understand, he's finally left his wife. He left. Not her, even though she might've had a lot more reason to. See, I've never been able to understand that, staying with someone who no longer makes you happy. Who actively hurts you. For what?
Now, I know not everyone thinks like me. I know a lot of people are of the opinion that you grit your teeth and endure through it, but I don't think that's what love should be. And I don't know, it's hard to put yourself in a position you've never been in, but I don't think I would've wanted my parents to be together if they couldn't be happy that way. See, people seem to have this mistaken notion that staying together will magically keep their kid happy. As if a child couldn't tell when theirs was a loveless house.
I was watching a show earlier and one of the characters said something like "I grew up fatherless and I wouldn't wish that on anyone". Or something. It just seems to me that people have this horror of "broken" families, but what about unhappy families? The way the parents interact provides a child with the point of reference for future relationships. I can only imagine that if you constantly witness your parents' hostility to one another isn't gonna set you up for a happy relationship, either. Obviously, I don't think mono-parental families are ideal, either. I'm just saying that maybe doing it "for the kids" isn't quite so good for the kids as you thought.
Me, I'm not the sort of person who endures. It's not in my mindset, and it doesn't seem to be in my DNA. Rather than raise a child in unhappiness, I would raise them alone. I just don't think it's beneficial for anyone to stay together for the kids.
Because there are some people who do that, and then get divorced after their kids leave home. Really? How is that less shocking on the kids? More so, maybe, if all these years you painted this image of the "ideal" couple in the poor kid's mind. Then, there's the couples who never break up, and some find their happiness and their peace, while others do not. Some remain stuck in miserable relationships all their lives.
