could others please not just cut them out like a tumor from their lives?

Oh no, completely agree! Unfortunately, it's not the case with my extended family. These are people who perceive nothing wrong. And even so, I still interact with most of them (though much less and more warily).

I do think it's very hard to change, particularly as one grows older. I mean, it's been a trip for me to acknowledge my own faulty mentalities and such. I can't imagine what it's like at 50 or 60, realizing these mentalities may have fucked up your children, your relationship with them, and maybe caused serious damage in your personal life. So the people who are trying deserve our support and patience.

You're right, "no contact" seems to be very popular now. Personally, I'd only apply it in extreme cases where a continued relationship was actively causing damage, you know? There's certainly a risk otherwise of turning up your nose whenever you dislike something, and just cutting that person out. Not a good way to live, methinks.

Besides, I don't know how it would work. I only cut contact fully with one person where the relationship was toxic and hurtful for me, and that's been tremendously hard. I don't know how you just go and cut out bunches of people, you know?