How do you know you're not okay?
Well, I usually ask myself.
It might sound silly, but actually I've found it's quite a useful trick. For one thing, while it's healthy to reassess periodically, if you're getting an impulse to ask and assess where you are right now, it often suggests some hidden (or not so hidden) anxiety. So actually, your body and your mind are telling you to check in with yourself already when things go wrong. So I often ask, am I alright? Am I upset? Is there something I wish had happened differently in my recent past?
I also pay attention to my body. When it's tired. When something hurts, particularly the areas like the hips that tend to store tension. And sometimes, things will hurt because I hurt them somehow through exercise or accident, and sometimes, they'll hurt because everything is not okay.
So really, I've got quite a few reliable indicators that allow me to know when things aren't alright.
But what happens then?
Well, then I comb through my consciousness, trying to identify what upset me. Perhaps it was something I did/didn't do, an interaction that I did not enjoy, an expectation I've set for myself that I'm not meeting, and so on. Here, of course, comes a little extra step of asking is it realistic and fair to be upset about this, or no? Because sometimes, we can be our own worst enemy and get upset over silly things, like I wanted to work out every day this week and didn't on Tuesday.
That's not really something to harangue yourself over too harshly, I think. And if it's something that was unreasonable in some way, either toward myself or others, I remind myself of that, and it's pretty much case closed.
Sometimes, it helps to do something hands-on. I did origami today. Pretty neat, huh? What better way to remind yourself you're no longer in an upsetting situation/interaction/past event than by bringing yourself back to the present?
If it's not unreasonable, I then try to figure out if there's something I can actively do to mend the situation or not. Maybe I'm upset over how someone behaved or how I behaved. What calms me a great deal is remembering I can't change the past. In other words, there's no use thinking "I wish this hadn't happened". It did.
Sometimes, I may be able to mend something that turned out poorly, apologize as is the case or do something nice to even it out. At times, I'll be upset about obvious things. Like I wrote too much yesterday and felt a little burned out. So I took a leisure day today. Or I've been sitting too much lately, I'll set aside an hour or two for a plentiful yoga session. Sometimes, you can even it out quite easily.
When I can't, I sit down and reflect. How did this happen, and how can I prevent an upsetting occurrence in the future? Maybe I'm upset over an interaction I had -- I can either talk things through with the person, and communicate my needs, or choose not to interact with them again.
Reflection on how you can change future outcome is actually incredibly soothing and powerful. First off, it reminds you that you are in control, which may not seem evident when you're struck by anxiety. Secondly, it gets you out of the past, where you may well be temporarily stuck.
When all else fails, when I can't change things, can't talk them over, can't even them out, I dance or put on music or a film I enjoy. Sometimes, wallowing in a bad state can be quite useful. Not always. Sometimes, you just need to change the story in your head as you can.
This was my response to this week's MINIMALIST question: How tuned in are you with your emotions? How do you identify when you鈥檙e not okay, and what are some of your coping mechanisms for optimal well-being?