I've been in a dancey mood these past few days, despite the tremendous feverish cold outside. Ghastly. Still, I can kick up my socked feet and throw around in my bathrobe when nobody's looking.
How do you go through life? And what's keeping you from being what you've always meant to? Cliche questions, except maybe not when you start treating them as real. When I look around at all the people going about their lives all regretful and scaredy, I start to think maybe it's not a cliche at all. When all is said and done, I imagine we'll all end up regretting something, but I've made a point of not being a coulda-been-girl.
Which isn't to say I'll get all to dot all my i's, but at least I won't be responsible for missing any of the ones I can see. Gonna get as many of them as I can, as I go. Love, adventure, everything really.
Writing. I've met too many young people scared stiff of putting themselves out there, harboring all these little dreams of being an artist in some sense, but never even trying. Which keeps them just that... little dreams. The trouble with that approach, of course, is that it fosters coulda-been thinking.
That could've been me.
As long as you don't try, you spend the rest of your life wondering if you perhaps should've. Not on all things. Obviously. There's a myriad of bloody stupid things to do (though maybe you should try your hand at a handful of those as well, just to make sure you don't end up wondering).
But the big, scary things people end up wishing they'd done. The adventures, the goings-away, the things that scared them. I'm not going to be a person who ends up wondering. I've had so far a few situations where I've thought "well maybe that shouldn't have been me" or "that's not gonna be me anymore". But doing my best to avoid the not knowing. Aren't there enough questions to plague your life already?
Pursue what's worth pursuing. At the end of the day, it was probably Bukowski who said it best,
If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start.
Don't live in half-assery is to me something of a general rule, which seems to put me in a minority. The world seems full of half-assery (which is really the worst kind of assery there is). People not quite daring, hanging off ledges, wishing, hoping someone would be brave in their stead. Who? Most aren't brave enough for themselves and you're expecting handouts?
The loves you lost were all in vain
The past lives on inside your brain
I don't think you need those memories
Hangin' around
I always loved this bit. The tenderness in the voice. They go hand in hand, the fear of trying with holding on to the past, the needless things.
It seems to me you're gettin' nowhere fast
So kiss your past
Or kiss your ass goodbye
Told you. Dancey mood. Hi 
